forallyoucare | (no subject)

(no subject)

JC wasn’t sure when the voices started. They popped up here or there in his childhood, usually egging him on to do something dangerous. His mum use to say that he was playing with an imaginary friend, but the voice was never a solid thing to run down to the corner shop with or to throw sticks in the river with when the other boys in the neighborhood thought he was too weird or creepy to hang around with. The voice never stuck around either so JC couldn’t exactly blame it. And he sounded mad when he did.

After a rather detrimental and insistent period in his teenage years, culminating in one very big adventure that nearly gave his parents a heart attack when the voice demanded that he go all the way to the city for a few days without telling anyone, it disappeared for a long, long time.

But that sweet, familiar persistence came back again one afternoon where they were just leaving a coffee house after a small after-concert rally with the Twelve, or while he was showing Andrew a cat video that one of their online supporters tweeted him, or when he was by himself in the woods looking up at the sun through the sky-- He didn’t know when it started but it was back again and it was itching at his skull like sand stuck behind his eyes.

All he knew was that they needed to start reaching more people. Facebook and Twitter were fine. Tumblr worked. The new Youtube channel seemed to be doing all right but the coffee shops in small towns around their home base? The venues were just too small. They needed to travel, together. All of them.

That’s when he went to Judas with his idea. Err…the voice’s idea. “What if we rented and RV and traveled? We could book gigs everywhere!”

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"That's the idea," Simon said, strapping on a leather wristcuff and then pulling on his boots. "I'll get you some water. Drink all of it before we go or you'll dehydrate yourself too quickly." He was giving orders already. Or, perhaps, he'd always been but Peter never noticed. Yes, he asked Peter from time to time but he always expected positive answers or responses to those questions. Peter was still free to deny him, free to refuse the water, but Simon had a feeling he wouldn't.

Simon himself was downing a glass too, before preening a little in the mirror and giving Peter a definite look over.

"All right," he said, whether or not the glass set out for his friend was touched. "Off we go to get our Petey an education," he grinned. "Take my jacket. Don't want your skin rubbed off if we tumble."

The glass would be empty quickly enough. Why they'd get dehydrated so easily, he wasn't sure (drinking? dancing? ...er, something else all together?) but Simon knew best about both worlds, so he drank it down without an issue. If Simon had been ordering him around in his life, he hadn't taken any notice, and he didn't even think twice about this one. It wasn't any difference if they were friends, so why worry on something that small?

He shifted, little bit uncertain about how he looked given how very different it was, but if he saw any sort of approval in Simon's eyes on it, he'd be happy enough. His brows shot up at the offer of the leather jacket and secretly a little part of him fluttered (and, even more gratefully, other parts of him stopped being a problem) to pull on the leather, that familiar scent of Simon all around him.

But even that couldn't stop the nervousness that tightened up in his gut when they got on, everything this meant tonight, or how much worse it got when they pulled up and parked at the club. Suddenly he was even more glad for the water because he wasn't sure he'd be able to drink a damn thing with how tight his stomach felt or the butterflies in it.

Peter would feel better in a little while, certainly, once the heat started to get to him. The upstsirs rooms were always blasting cold air but in those pants a person had to be careful. He didn't want the kid falling over or needing to be carried out. It would ruin the fun.

As with Judas, Simon got a king's greeting. Word had already spread that he was bringing a potential new pet and so everyone was looking over Peter the way they never looked over Judas when he came out with Simon. House rules about free drinks seemed to apply and Simon tipped the jar well the first time he helped himself to a beer to make up for it. "What do you want?" he asked, having to lean in and yell into Peter's ear. "Are you a Vodka cranberry sort of guy?" The thought amused him. "Or what about a shot of patron?"

Something to calm his nerves. The demo was a good half an hour away.

Peter had never felt so in the center of things in his life, and that included being on stage with JC at any point. He could feel eyes raking over him in a way that never happened when he had gone to parties or a club before, but he couldn't be sure if he liked the feeling just yet. It wasn't the judging of someone who was curious if they met their standard of good looking, maybe come over and have a chat, an attraction to him... it felt a little more like he was a piece of meat, but his mind said that was rude and doing these people a serious injustice.

So he kept his chin up and tried not to feel sick with his nerves. Unlike Judas, he had basically no idea what was going on with drinks but assumed Simon was offering to buy him one. His stomach protested a little but like earlier, he realized that a bit of alcohol might loosen him up. Tonight was about learning new things. Trying new things. So why not?

He glanced to Simon, hoping to show that this had nothing to do with what they had been talking about at the apartment but more to do with the original point of the night, and gave a smile made smaller than normal by nerves. "Anything! Surprise me!" The smile grew just a little bit, but when he looked away from Simon and saw someone staring at him intently, the smile died and the nerves came back two fold.

Most of the people in is club weren't like Simon. They came to dance and drink and meet people to fuck. A very small amount of people came upstairs. Even more lived this scene. That said, when Sinon followed Peter's line of sight and saw the heavy eye petting, after handing him one of the two fireball shots he'd ordered, he put his arm around Peter to brace him against the bar without actually touching him. That was a signal to anyone that Peter was taken. Those eyes? Well they turned elsewhere and Simon smiled at Peter and raised his glass for a toast.

"To how you look in those pants," he shouted, grinning, and clinked his shot against Peter's before downing his. The fire on his throat and stomach was perfection. "Relax! People like to look at pretty things. It's a compliment!" Peter wasn't used to it, he understood that, but this was just one of those places where you had to be okay as eye candy. "We can go upstairs any time you want. Want to take a tour?"

Peter took the shot, switching it to his other hand when a bit spilled over and a drop got on his fingers. He totally missed the possessive gesture (wouldn't have mind even if he had) in licking the drop off his index finger. The suggested toast actually got a laugh out of him and a better smile, thus he toasted and downed it- his eyes went wide at the powerful burn and he had to swallow in a hurry. A wine drinker, less good at shots. Cough. "Whoa!" Cough. Swallow a few dozen times, then another laugh. "I need to get better at this!"

He licked his lips, tasting cinnamon on them, before nodding. A tour would be nice, actually. "Show me around!" Upstairs... he wasn't sure what would happen when they crossed that treshhold, so he wasn't in a huge hurry to get in there, but it would come and he would handle it. Simon was confident. He needed to be, too.

Upstsirs was the only place to show Peter around at. Down here you had the main bar and the corner bar, a dance floor and the DJ booth. Upstsirs was more interesting. Wristband checkers let them through with a fist bump from one to Simon and a jealous look from the other. It grew significantly more quiet as they moved up carpeted squares until only the thumping baseline brought anyone's attention to the bodies moving downstairs. It was dark. The walls were covered in velvet wallpaper, Victorian boudoir style. Simon pulled out his phone to light up a section of the brocade pattern running in crushed purple from floor to ceiling.

"So it's warm on bare skin. And for the extra sensation," he explained without going into detail. "And surprisingly easy to clean too. All of these rooms," to the left and right, "are for public sessions. Usually that one is for refreshments. Complimentary when they give a demonstration since its included in the price of a ticket. The others are themed." Industrial. Medical. Traditional dungeon, and one with no furniture at all, just baskets and baskets of heavy rope. There were rings sunken into the walls and the ceilings. "Around to the left are play rooms. You have to rent those and be a member. And to the right is the ballroom. The demo tonight will be in here. If it's Mitch, it will be on spanking and posturing. Nothing major and nothing you need a lot of props for.... Yeah, see, they're setting up the chairs now."

A man and a woman were chatting as they hauled metal folding chairs to the center of the room. The lights were brighter in here, the walls just painted white and the floor linoleum. It had a raised platform too, a small stage, bare save for a winged back chair in purple velvet right in the middle like a throne.

Peter's fingertips briefly played over the material, not entirely sure what to think about those little tidbits. Were people just... out here having sex all the time? Almost no one was up here right now (when did things start, normally, he wondered) so he wasn't sure, yet. Public sessions? He super wasn't sure on the idea of doing anything bedroom related in public... was Simon thinking that? How could anyone be that open? With people watching... he already felt his face flushing at the mere idea. He wasn't sure he could even look in the direction of two people doing- anything- never mind do it himself. What was Simon thinking he would do? Now the mention of 'don't challenge me in public' came back to bite him because he tried to imagine being asked to do something he had no part in wanting to do in public and not wanting to do it... did that mean he HAD to do it if he agreed to this, even if he didn't, or would it just anger or embarrass Simon if he didn't--

His head was spinning already.

Did Simon just say spanking? They were going to watch someone get spanked? Peter had deeply conflicting feelings going on and he wasn't sure if there was enough alcohol in this place to get him to relax from any of it. Doing this in private was one thing but... he peered into the ballroom, that throne at the stage, and remembered all over again what Mindy had said about him kneeling at Simon's feet.

The thought didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it should have. In fact, the exact opposite, despite the blush.

"Cat has your tongue huh? No questions for me yet?" Part of this exercise was to get Peter comfortable enough to voice what he did and did not want. That would be very important later. Simon leaned back against the doorway as if he'd done it s hundred times and was about to say something else when the woman in the room, hair tumbling down her back in blonde curls and wearing little more than thigh high boots and a red leather lingerie set, called him by name with a squeal.

"How are you, Simon!?" She came over gracefully, despite those insanely high heels she was on, and smiled with red painted lips at the man. "Introduce me to this one?"

"Not too bad. Cynthia, this is Peter. Peter, this is Cynthia. She use to be my boss here," he grinned. "She handles the performers."

"Less than J might have liked," Cynthia said. "New recruit?"

"Just kink curious," Simon assured her. "We came out for the demonstration. I'm trying to answer any questions he has."

"You're in good hands then, Peter. Feel free to ask anyone here anything. It's a teaching night and a beginner's class so you're in good company. We have all levels of participants too. It shouldn't be too large of a group. Wednesday nights are less crowded than Fridays and Saturdays so please. Enjoy yourselves. Simon, a word? Peter will be fine here with Caleb."

A tall, willowy man paused in what he was doing upon hearing his name, wearing regulars jeans and a black tshirt. He had dark eyes and dark hair, and padded over in black kicks. "Mistress?" The man, no older than Peter, smiled brightly at him. "How can I help?"

"Keep our dear Peter company. Perhaps he could use some insight?"

"Absolutely. Hi Peter. We can talk as I finish setting up?"

Simon gave Peter a nod. Permission. Even if he hadn't asked for it.

Another few thousand, Peter thought to himself, but that comfortable part hadn't quite come to him yet. Privately, he thought he might have asked a few more, but here? The cat certainly had its claws full.

If none of them guessed Peter was absolutely on the verge of panicking? He felt he was doing well. Honestly, down to his core, he didn't want to somehow insult any of these people OR embarrass Simon, so he was trying with everything in him. It might not be hard to miss that he brought his eyes right up to Cynthia's, looking at nothing else, and he did give her a real smile when he said 'hello', but his eyes went right back to his boots. He wasn't used to people being dressed in so little around him and while she wasn't his type, it didn't mean he wouldn't oogle a little if he gave into that urge.

Still, everyone seemed really friendly, which was helping immensely, so when suddenly he was left alone with a new thought (would he have to call Simon 'Master', then?) and a new person, it took him a moment to catch up mentally. When he started, realizing he was being rude, he gave a sheepish smile and offered out a hand to Caleb. "Nice to meet you. Need a hand?" Always ready to lend one.

He would jump right in to helping to set up chairs, realizing that the questions he even had for Caleb felt rude to ask. Mistress... was it just always like that? To never feel equal to your partner? Did they ever just live normally together? The idea of always being 'on' felt like it would be exhausting when he just wanted to come home and collapse or go have fun with the Twelve or whatever, that any failure might end up ... er, with physical discomfort? How did they handle it? Did it feel weird to have someone see her in that type of gear?

...Did they love one another? How did love fit into any of this? He imagined he'd always find love, and there felt like that spark, the beginning of it, when Simon mentioned the hospital and feeling it since then... but was it that? Or was it just... lust and the desire to have someone in this community with him?

Peter closed his eyes and took a pointed breath. Maybe he should have read up on the internet more.

They finished up quickly together and Caleb invited Peter into the room Simon said was for refreshments just next door. It was empty and Celeb asked if Peter would help him with the tables. "You look like you have a hundred questions. So how about I answer a few I had at first when Cynthia brought me here."

There was a gentle smile behind this tall young man as he and Peter clicked the legs together.

"Cynthia was my English professor. Two years later I became her TA and I was friends with her boyfriend and pet. They let me ask all sorts of questions but I was nervous. They acted like regular people most of the time but sometimes Cynthja would use him as a foot rest or make him run errands for her or kneel and hold our glasses while we were doing work. He said that they liked to live the lifestyle when it suited them. And Cynthia said she could tell when he wanted to be pet instead of boyfriend. That it was sometimes easier to let go and not have to think and just, you know, do. I didn't get it. Anyway, he got tenure at a university in America and Cynthia was happy for him even if it meant breaking up. That's just how it goes sometimes. She and I aren't in a relationship if you're curious, but she's training me."

He had Peter help him spread a sheet over the table.

"So no. We don't have sex. Yes, I call her Mistress while I'm acting as her pet. I don't live with her but sometimes I do stay over--". Caleb paused at the twitch in Peter's eye when he mentioned sex. "This is rarely about sex, Peter. Some people enjoy sex during their sessions and some people have sessions first and sex later-- For me, I like the idea of being helpful. And I like knowing my place. And I hope one day to find someone that will be my true Mistress so I can love her and she me and I can still have all of this in my life. Simon's sort of a legend around here. There aren't a lot of doms that work here at all. Not men at least. I hope you'll keep an open mind about all of this. I understand being shy though. But you can ask me anything."

It was almost disturbing how much Caleb seemed to read into what he was thinking, but then again, if Caleb had gone through something similar, maybe it wasn't a surprise he could guess what was racing through his head. Peter listened intently as they worked, trying to take it all in. In a lot of ways, it felt easier to ask a stranger some of these questions that even Simon. He never wanted to make a fool out of himself in front of Simon and despite Simon's reassurances, he still felt like one for it.

"...That's... intimidating," Peter admitted, the corner of his mouth lifted. "All of it, in particular the legend bit, but... I feel completely out of my league. I didn't even know this sort of thing really existed until a few days ago, and the idea of being part of it might be--" he made the one-handed mind being blown gesture. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't interested in learning some of it, even if only to understand Simon better. I..." He hesitated, chewing his lip, before asking quietly, "how deep does it really go? Simon... said it was all or nothing, but the idea of not being able to just do stuff on my own again? That feels a little like I just went back to being under my parents."

A pause, eyes wide, before he made such a face. "Uh, I hope that didn't come out like I think it did! I mean I just got out and able to do my own thing, you know??" He hoped Caleb would understand! "I mean, at certain times, it actually sounds like it'd be kind of nice but... all the time? Or... is not common? Or a thing? Or-" he swallowed, just forcing himself to stop.

"How did he put it? The all or nothing part? I don't know a lot about him, but he's never actually had a sub. Long term, you know? I knew he used to take clients. And there was Mitch. But Mitch decided he wasn't really cut out for yielding. I think-- I think he might mean relationships? Like he only wants someone in this lifestyle. Like that. Might need to ask him. Or Cynthia. Or even Mitch. I don't know how personal that is."

Caleb liked to talk about himself and his experiences. That much was obvious.

"Because there's no such thing as being on all the time. You have to keep being yourself. And I know this going to sound crazy, but I feel like I'm more myself when I'm doing what I'm told. You develop a style. And there's always something-- a lot of subs will tell you this, Pete. We are the ones in control. It's our bodies. Our desires. We let them do things to is because we want it. Not the other way around. You're not going to lose yourself."

It actually felt really good to hear that, even if it felt like it was counter to things Simon had said, and it showed in Peter's face. Maybe he didn't understand the 'all or nothing' part properly. It would have to be something they really talked about - when it was 'on' or not. He already could tell, in himself, he couldn't do it all the time. If Simon couldn't live with that... it wouldn't work. Simon said he didn't want to be broken or done wrong by, right? So there had to be some middle ground they could find.

"But aren't you being told what to do?" Peter asked, challenging the idea a little, because he remembered well that first sign when it came to Mindy in the store. How quickly she had reacted when she was just having fun... even if it was at his expense. "How are you in control when at some point she could tell you to do something you're not comfortable with? What if that happens? Do you just... have to do it and talk about it later, or not do it and risk being punished for not?"

Caleb nodded because it was a fantastic question, and one he was obviously taking seriously. "I think it comes with trust. She knows my limits. Any good dominant should. I have a list of yeses and noes and maybes. They change all the time. She'll never ask me anything on a maybe list in public because it breaks character if I refuse, see? I genuinely want to please her and she wants to please me too. It's a lot more equal than you think."

But that didn't answer the whole question and Caleb thought on that too as he popped open some of the fancier brand of chips and dumped it into a bowl.

"At first, won't lie, I resisted a lot of things. Even in private. I had to be comfortable with myself. It's give and take and you know, that's a lot like any relationship. And sometimes I do defy her. Especially when we're here. Sometimes I just want to be spanked."

He winked a little at Peter.

"You'll find your way. And he seems to be a good guy. He's not just jumping in with you. That's awesome in my book. And you must care about him a lot to be willing to try."

That sounded... better. Much better. A little something coiled tight inside loosened on hearing it from someone who was living it. It still left him with that deep question about Simon's intentions. Was it some form of love, the something more Caleb was looking for someday, or just someone to have in this stuff? Simon hadn't taken on anyone else... why? Not a red flag but confusing for sure.

Peter was now red around his ears but he managed to keep his voice level. "I'm not sure I could do anything with other people around. I barely am managing tonight -- at least I hope I manage tonight." It felt like that depended somewhere between level of alcohol and topic of the learning tonight.

But he paused in what he was doing and admitted quietly, "I probably care for Simon more than anyone outside of my family." JC... he was a whole different level. Above all of that probably for them both. "Which makes all of this harder, you know? He makes it sound so easy though."

"Relationships are never easy. You have to really work at them. Even these kinds." Caleb smiled at Peter as Simon and Cynthia appeared in the doorway. Simon kept an eye on Peter. Cynthia had her eyes on Simon. "He's really looking out for you, huh?" he asked, amused, and then headed back over to his Mistress. Only when she acknowledged him did he tell her they had finished. "Peter was a big help."

And that made Simon smile and tilt his head slightly to the left to tell Peter to come over. If he wasn't doing it already.

"Thanks again, Cyn. Pete, Mitch is here getting set up. I want to introduce you."

Peter had come over naturally when Caleb did, giving just a brief smile but making sure his eyes were at Cynthia's or anywhere but her. That... would take some getting used to. When he saw worst later he would become a tomato and stare at the floor.

His head immediately looked to Simon at the mention of Mitch and the tightness in his stomach returned. This was the man Simon respected and learned from and he could already guess that he would end up being judged by. He gave a nervous lick of his lips before nodding, trying to keep himself calm. "Sure."

Mitch was nothing like Peter. He was tall, he was muscular, his hair was long and he had a big, black beard that was braided. He looked frightening in a leather vest and pants, tattoos over any visible skin. Next to him, or Rather, kneeling at his feet, was Mindy, her pink hair pulled up in twin high buns. Her outfit was a little more conservative, black and gray plaid skirt and a corset that covered everything. She was wearing fingerless gloves and a wide collar that was purposefully too large for her with a metal dog's name tag hanging off of it. Her eyes lit up when she saw Peter, but she stayed kneeling, legs together and hands neatly resting on her thighs, even if her head jerked up towards Mitch.

The large man was smiling and he gestured with two fingers in a scooping motion. "Go on." Even his voice was different from Peter's, rich and deep.

Mindy bounded up in platform knee boots and embraced Peter in a hug. Evidently helping him pull on leather pants made them buddies. "You came!"

Simon and Mitch also embraced, masculinely affectionate with back and shoulder pats. It was strange to think that Simon had trained this man or that this man was once in Peter's shoes.

Or willing to kneel for anyone.

"You look good, Si," Mitch grinned. "Oh, wait. I know those pants." Dark eyes had fixed on Peter. "Don't you have the same ones?"

"Yep," Mindy said, without the Master tacked on. "We actually wear the same size."

"That so? Mitch, by the way. Simon and I go way back. It's good to meet you. Peter is it?" His hand was huge. "Glad you could join us tonight. Get a good seat in the front row."

Nothing ever could have prepared Peter for Mitch. In fact, he was fairly certain that Simon was messing with him until Mindy was hugging him. That pulled him out of his wide-eyed shock and he managed a brief one-armed hug before nodding, watching Simon and Mitch give their quick embrace. Really, Peter was just utterly and completely confused about how any of this had worked because Mitch certainly didn't seem like any kind of sub... or was this what Simon had wanted... or...

He probably had a near mask of confusion about everything happening in that moment and only the hand coming out towards him managed to break him free again. "Ah, nice to meet you." This man was a viking or something similar; they didn't build them that big around here! It was almost like people back home.

Wait- front row? Oh god no. He had been all prepared to hide in the back-- now he remembered those words about what this would be if Mitch was here-- how was he supposed to watch someone get spanked!?

Could his head just explode from sheer embarrassment? It felt like it could right about now.

Simon was well aware that Peter was going into meltdown mode so he offered the younger man his hand and nodded towards Mitch and Mindy. "I think we'll let you two set up. Come on, Petey."

Though Mitch was unreadable, Mindy looked worried. The pair walked away, Mindy holding onto Mitch's arm like he was her prom date, and whispered something to him that left the Viking snorting before he kissed her forehead. As frightening and impossing as he was, he was a softy. Peter would need to learn not to judge people by their covers. That was a lesson JC himself would approve of.

Out in the hallway, Simon brought his hand up to Peter's cheek, careful and affectionate. "We can go anytime you want. I'm not trying to freak you out," he promised, none of the disappointment he might be feeling in his voice.

"...it's way too late on the freak out," Peter admitted quietly, his eyes half closing and unconsciously leaning slightly into Simon's touch. "But-" he followed up with quickly, his fingers flexing once at his side before meeting Simon's eyes, "I want to stay." It was true, what he'd said to Caleb. Even if he still felt uncertain about whether or not he could do this, he wanted to stay here and learn more because it was learning more about Simon.

Actually, what bothered him more was, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." That was worse than his being upset. Things were coming faster than he could process them, and he was trying hard to keep up with the ideas from twenty minutes ago and have them make sense to understand the new input, but he was trying. He wanted to keep trying, as long as Simon was okay with it.

Simon laughed kindly as he pulled Peter against him into a hug. "You're not embarrassing me. Not for even a second. I'm just-- I'm so happy you came with me tonight. It means a lot more than I thought it might to have you here." People of all shapes and sizes and dress were moving passed them into the room and some waved and Simon, who nodded back over Peter's shoulder. They wisely did not approach. Likely because this looked a great deal like a comfort session actually.

When pulled back after a moment, holding Peter by the shoulders.

"The moment you feel like you might die of embarrassment yourself, you tell me. We'll go immediately, all right?" The last thing he wanted to do was see Perer hurt in any way.

Peter couldn't even keep up the pretense and for the moment he had it, sagged against Simon and took that moment of refuge gratefully, putting his head against Simon's shoulder. It felt like a great relief to hear that out of Simon and blindly he reached under he had the back of Simon's jacket in one hand, squeezing back. When Simon chose to pull back, he didn't completely have himself together but he was close.

"Uh," Peter's little sheepish look was returning, something more familiar, "is it now I admit I've already been to that point?" He gave a tiny laugh, a hand coming up to rub his neck. "I don't know how I'm going to make it through some kind of lesson on spanking someone. I've never seen anyone in as little clothing as Cynthia was wearing unless it was on my computer. I'm going to end up introducing myself to people's shoes at this rate."

That might have unintentionally admitted something he didn't mean to which was exactly how far he had gotten with people in the past. Sure, some petting with clothing on, he had gone on dates just... well, he had been raised to believe you waited until you were married to do things and while that notion wasn't a part of his life anymore, it had dictated enough of his younger years. There was that very weird mix of proud and ashamed of his history that came from when you might have even been arranged for a marriage in the kind of family he was a part of, so you didn't go about doing things... or just that sort of normal prudish nature of his family.

Oh. Oh shit.

Simon knew he would ruin Peter. He just knew it. The kid had no idea about himself or about anything else. He was a virgin. He'd probably never been on a real date (the stuff you do in secondary taking girls to movies? Not a date). He'd never loved. Or had his heart broken. He didn't know himself. And here Simon was trying to mould him into something else. Something foreign.

He pulled Peter's hand to his mouth and kissed his palm as he fought his own sickness at all of this and then kept that hand in his own as he pulled Peter down the stairs.

They weren't staying here. They weren't doing this.

"I'm so sorry, Pete. I didn't think-- I should have prepared you more or--". Not said anything.

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Dawww Simon <3

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