forallyoucare | (no subject)

(no subject)

JC wasn’t sure when the voices started. They popped up here or there in his childhood, usually egging him on to do something dangerous. His mum use to say that he was playing with an imaginary friend, but the voice was never a solid thing to run down to the corner shop with or to throw sticks in the river with when the other boys in the neighborhood thought he was too weird or creepy to hang around with. The voice never stuck around either so JC couldn’t exactly blame it. And he sounded mad when he did.

After a rather detrimental and insistent period in his teenage years, culminating in one very big adventure that nearly gave his parents a heart attack when the voice demanded that he go all the way to the city for a few days without telling anyone, it disappeared for a long, long time.

But that sweet, familiar persistence came back again one afternoon where they were just leaving a coffee house after a small after-concert rally with the Twelve, or while he was showing Andrew a cat video that one of their online supporters tweeted him, or when he was by himself in the woods looking up at the sun through the sky-- He didn’t know when it started but it was back again and it was itching at his skull like sand stuck behind his eyes.

All he knew was that they needed to start reaching more people. Facebook and Twitter were fine. Tumblr worked. The new Youtube channel seemed to be doing all right but the coffee shops in small towns around their home base? The venues were just too small. They needed to travel, together. All of them.

That’s when he went to Judas with his idea. Err…the voice’s idea. “What if we rented and RV and traveled? We could book gigs everywhere!”

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"Uh." He didn't even know how to respond to that. Did he lie and say no, or admit he snooped? He swallowed hard, something Simon would be able to feel and hear, before whispering quietly, "I have a little bit of an idea." Mindy opened his eyes about some things, too, but he wasn't sure what to make of anything she said.

But what he didn't know how to respond to was the latter because what he might have answered didn't make sense because of Judas. Slowly he breathed out (he must have gargled because there was the faintest scent of the mouth wash in the guest room) before shaking his head, very slightly. "No." He didn't know what Simon wanted. What did Judas have in common with those... pictures?

Judas didn't have anything in common with those pictures. That's why he wasn't a partner. He was a... Well, not even a fuck buddies save that they were friends and periodically, they fucked. It wasn't even regular despite neither seeing anyone else.

Simon kept focused on Peter's left eye, applying the liner carefully to his water line. He could feel his breath on his palm and his cheek. He could almost feel the added heat from his crotch, no matter how well that leg protected it.

"I'll show you tonight, but simply put, I want someone like Mindy. Not Mindy exactly, but a pet. I'm not interested in vanilla relationships. And you-- You're worth being kept. I don't want a fling with you, Peter. I want it to mean something. You just have to know what you're agreeing to first to be with me."

Small wonder Peter was confused!

But all of that cleared, briefly, when Simon finally put it out there into that so-thin space between them, laying out there what he wanted. The words Mindy had whispered into his ear back at the shop, what he had denied because Simon hadn't shown any signs (...maybe he had, now that Peter thought back on it?) of wanting anything, never mind this.

He was a little nervous to talk with the feeling of the black pencil smearing at his eye and barely moved his lips, but it was enough. "I want to know more." It wasn't an immediate yes, or a denial, or anything rash but one of the better things he could have said. A positive. Curiosity, even if it might have been a morbid one at this point, but not a pull away or a look of disgust or rejection.

Innocent, yes, but far from stupid. He wanted to know more about... all of this before he let this go any further. Did he want to be with Simon? Possibly more than anything other than staying with JC at this point in his life. Did he realize there was a whole great deal to Simon he knew nothing about? Oh yes. He needed to know more. If it was what he saw in Mindy... he already had questions, reservations, thoughts, but if Simon would show him, he would hold back most of those until the night was over.

Except for one thing.

"No one else touches me tonight." That wasn't something he was going to argue with, not tonight. Mindy had answered so quickly to Simon, even though she wasn't... his. He wasn't sure he would ever want that, but in particular tonight? If they were doing something with... that, then he didn't want someone else there to start things with him.

Peter would have his questions answered tonight as to deference and understanding within the community. He would likely discover that because Simon and Mitch had a relationship akin to student-teacher, Mitch's sub showed respect to Simon by allowing him to control what she said, or in that case, stop it all together. And he would learn, very quickly, just how possessive Simon could be too.

Letting Peter's face go so he could blink at the new feeling of makeup on his eyelids, Simon ran a hand back through his hair to shape it up better like the pompadour he tended to prefer. "No one else was ever going to touch you tonight," Simon informed the younger man before he stood, right over him, and then stepped off of the bed. He was dry enough to get his pants on now. And they were more like trousers than skinny jeans anyway, giving him the feel he wanted with enough room to maneuver in.

Peter would get to watch the hair dressing too, if he wanted, at least. Simon made sure to keep the younger man in view of the mirror as he worked with pomade to keep his hair back.

"Do you have any specific questions?"

The feeling of the makeup had Peter blinking over and over again, clearly unsure about how he felt on the sensation and worried about how long until he accidentally ruined it by rubbing his eyes. Blinking stopped when he got an excellent if odd view of Simon from below, then watched him go to get dressed. Everything was a bit of an alien feeling tonight, from the makeup to the vinyl pants to the mesh shirt he dragged over his head before he followed Simon towards the mirror, borrowing a corner of it so he could stare at his unfamiliar face, eyes framed in black.

"Only about a thousand," Peter half-joked, but he tried to think about the important things. What did he want to start with? If no one was going to touch him, then he wasn't worried. Simon didn't make promises he wasn't going to keep. So with worry out of the way (for now), he puzzled through things until he had something perfect crop up to the top.

"What do you expect from me tonight?" Whether or not this... worked out, he imagined if Simon was taking him to this thing, Simon was expecting something from him - to do, not do, say, not say, he had no idea, but he didn't want to upset or embarrass Simon, either.

"Watch and listen. Ask questions. Ask a lot of questions. Talk to the subs. See how they behave with their masters. I can teach you, but you have to be willing to learn and-- Tonight is seeing if you want to learn." It would very easily to just tell Peter to listen and follow orders. To go where he went. To follow his lead. But Peter was a person and a friend and...

Simon didn't want to ruin that. He didn't want to sap the light he saw from Peter's eyes. He didn't want to lead him along and force him into anything.

As much as he wanted to hold Peter or push him down or teach him how to kneel-- Not tonight. Not until he understood what he would be signing up for.

"And try to stay away from the doms flying solo. They're looking for a one and done. You're better off approaching pairs." Simon would be right there with him but he understood the need for second and third opinions.

That all made good sense to him. He wanted to find out more about... well, everything. About this community. What he would expect. What would be expected of him. He had a lot of images in his mind he wasn't certain if they were true or not - some bothered him, some didn't, some neutral - but letting them crop up without knowing any borders would most likely panic him.

"I can do that," he said quietly, finally dragging his eyes away from himself and instead getting to watch a master sculpt his hair into that perfect masterpiece, something Peter found so odd to watch when he ended to not bother with anything but making sure it dried in a certain direction. "...were... are... you serious about... wanting this... before?" The words came out of him slowly, as if he wasn't sure how to put it as much as he was nervous to ask it. Simon, as far as he could tell, hadn't shown him any sign of wanting him - in any way - before this, so why was this all coming out now?

Simon smiled without glancing at Peter right away. He leaned into the mirror to get a problem piece of hair at his crown to slip into place with a little more wax to keep it all in. "Before? What? Tonight? Yesterday? Before I noticed you were interested in me and refused to speak up?" He wasn't being cruel, he was just pointing out that he knew. Even if Judas' little mention of Peter being a puppy completely seized him up on the idea. "Yeah. Since the hospital. I still don't think I'm good for you. Im pretty sure tonight will put you off of me. But hey. If that happens? We'll always be friends. I won't make it awkward for you. There's no need for it. What we have with JC, that's always going to come first."

Simon wasn't going to risk that. He didn't want to push Peter out of the Twelve and he sure as hell wasn't leaving.

"What happens is between us. The worst thing I could ever do is ruin who you are. I don't want that."

That soothed a worry he hadn't even come up with yet in his mind, that the others would end up finding out about... this. Not about them, Peter would be super proud of that if Simon was okay with the others knowing, but about... anything else. If it went to that, anyway. There was the very pointed knowledge in his mind that not wanting to do this stuff with Simon meant a be-all-end-all. If he wasn't interested, even if he was still interested in Simon, it wouldn't go any further.

Since... since the hospital? All the way back then... Simon couldn't miss that expression of dumbfounded surprise. Had he been missing things all that time? Was it because of what Simon was into that he hadn't said anything? Oh by god if Simon knew he had been interested in him all that time... Peter wasn't sure if he was embarrassed or a little angry that nothing had been reciprocated, then.

"I don't want that, either." That much he knew! "I... no matter what happens, I still want to be friends." His voice stressed just a little harder than he intended. Even if they went into ... that he still wanted to be Simon's friend outside of those times. Or was there no choice? ...Ask questions, stupid.

"Or is that... not a thing? Like, it's an always or nothing kind of thing?"

Everything about Peter was adorable. Simon wet his lips to keep from doing something stupid considering how close they were standing. That should probably change soon or Peter would get a face full of hairspray. The dark blond did at least turn to give Peter his full attention now that his hair was left to dry into its usual perfection.

"I don't date." That was not what was being asked here but follow along, Pete. "And I could just have you casually either. You're better than that. You're worth more than that. Being mine-- it means playing by my rules. I want the control. All of it. And that's not something most people can give up. So for us-- Yeah. All or nothing. It's better that way. I don't want to ever lead you on. I care about you entirely too much."

Even if it didn't feel like that.

"I've had a long time to find myself and I think maybe you should be afforded that too. But I'll show you what my life is. And then you can decide what you want."

Peter's expression melted to something more difficult to read, something that had a great deal of emotion in his eyes as he looked down to the seated Simon. He swallowed before he managed to shake his head, Simon not quite understanding what he meant by his question. "I- I got that, pretty quick. It's..." His brows knitted as he struggled with how to explain himself better. "Around the others. In public? Is it... all the time? Am I free to still be... me? When we're not-" He didn't know how to even ask the question properly and it was obviously getting him a bit flustered. It was a lifestyle, and he was rapidly starting to understand that even if he didn't understand the whole of it, but Simon didn't act like anything abnormal. Peter had no idea about this whole thing until recently, so Simon hid any signs of it well! (Judas, if he had been able to hear any of this, would have laughed his ass off at this thought.)

His shoulders sagged and his gaze went to the side, a bit of a scowl twisting his lips at his internal frustration at himself.

Judas wasn't here to laugh and Simon would never laugh at Peter. "It's a little of both," he said honestly. "You have your own life, your own job. Your own a schedule. But you'll ask me before you do anything that lays outside of that. JC's desires go first. But if you want to go to dinner with James and John? You'd have to ask me. If I wanted you to skip lunch, you would do it. That's called deference. It's about yielding. It's about respect. Being with me will mean that I make the majority of your decisions. Will you get a say? Absolutely. We can discuss anything you want to. In private. Never question me in front of snyone unless you need clarification. You wouldn't call me anything but Simon in public though. You wouldn't kneel for me. And I would never tell you to do anything publically embarrassing for you unless we were in a safe space. All of that is up for negotiation though."

Simon moved to the bathroom to wash his hands and apply hairspray as best he could without hitting Peter, just in case the kid decided to follow him, before he returned to do up his zipper and the back of the tight collar.

"We would start slow. I don't expect you to be perfect immediately. Discomfort should never be emotional, just physical." Maybe that wouldn't give Peter all the confidence in the world though. Simon would obviously want to cause him physical pain at some point. He wasn't exactly a sadist, but controlling pain and pleasure and comfort were all things he wanted.

He didn't follow Simon, instead waiting for him and thinking over what was said. Yeah that comment on the physical discomfort was a bit off-putting, given that he had no idea what it meant, and it left Peter with an expression of deep thinking as he shifted to sit on the bed once he was done up. His finger slid under the collar, adjusting it, then left it alone. How far would this sort of thing go? If he signed up for this, would he have to just accept if Simon was going to say, starve him? What if he didn't want to do something Simon said? He chewed on the inside of his lip, but there was some comfort in the idea that Simon would be willing to talk about whatever might happen. It didn't mean he would agree, but... he trusted Simon. He had to, for all of this, that much he didn't even have to guess, but... where did the line come in return? How did respect work both ways?

How did someone enjoy this if they weren't the one in charge? That really sort of puzzled him.

He went silent after that, staring down at his folded hands, just thinking things through. Maybe not the best response to Simon laying it out for him, but there was a great deal to work through. Finally, quietly, he ended up saying, "I want to see how tonight goes."

"That's the idea," Simon said, strapping on a leather wristcuff and then pulling on his boots. "I'll get you some water. Drink all of it before we go or you'll dehydrate yourself too quickly." He was giving orders already. Or, perhaps, he'd always been but Peter never noticed. Yes, he asked Peter from time to time but he always expected positive answers or responses to those questions. Peter was still free to deny him, free to refuse the water, but Simon had a feeling he wouldn't.

Simon himself was downing a glass too, before preening a little in the mirror and giving Peter a definite look over.

"All right," he said, whether or not the glass set out for his friend was touched. "Off we go to get our Petey an education," he grinned. "Take my jacket. Don't want your skin rubbed off if we tumble."

The glass would be empty quickly enough. Why they'd get dehydrated so easily, he wasn't sure (drinking? dancing? ...er, something else all together?) but Simon knew best about both worlds, so he drank it down without an issue. If Simon had been ordering him around in his life, he hadn't taken any notice, and he didn't even think twice about this one. It wasn't any difference if they were friends, so why worry on something that small?

He shifted, little bit uncertain about how he looked given how very different it was, but if he saw any sort of approval in Simon's eyes on it, he'd be happy enough. His brows shot up at the offer of the leather jacket and secretly a little part of him fluttered (and, even more gratefully, other parts of him stopped being a problem) to pull on the leather, that familiar scent of Simon all around him.

But even that couldn't stop the nervousness that tightened up in his gut when they got on, everything this meant tonight, or how much worse it got when they pulled up and parked at the club. Suddenly he was even more glad for the water because he wasn't sure he'd be able to drink a damn thing with how tight his stomach felt or the butterflies in it.

Peter would feel better in a little while, certainly, once the heat started to get to him. The upstsirs rooms were always blasting cold air but in those pants a person had to be careful. He didn't want the kid falling over or needing to be carried out. It would ruin the fun.

As with Judas, Simon got a king's greeting. Word had already spread that he was bringing a potential new pet and so everyone was looking over Peter the way they never looked over Judas when he came out with Simon. House rules about free drinks seemed to apply and Simon tipped the jar well the first time he helped himself to a beer to make up for it. "What do you want?" he asked, having to lean in and yell into Peter's ear. "Are you a Vodka cranberry sort of guy?" The thought amused him. "Or what about a shot of patron?"

Something to calm his nerves. The demo was a good half an hour away.

Peter had never felt so in the center of things in his life, and that included being on stage with JC at any point. He could feel eyes raking over him in a way that never happened when he had gone to parties or a club before, but he couldn't be sure if he liked the feeling just yet. It wasn't the judging of someone who was curious if they met their standard of good looking, maybe come over and have a chat, an attraction to him... it felt a little more like he was a piece of meat, but his mind said that was rude and doing these people a serious injustice.

So he kept his chin up and tried not to feel sick with his nerves. Unlike Judas, he had basically no idea what was going on with drinks but assumed Simon was offering to buy him one. His stomach protested a little but like earlier, he realized that a bit of alcohol might loosen him up. Tonight was about learning new things. Trying new things. So why not?

He glanced to Simon, hoping to show that this had nothing to do with what they had been talking about at the apartment but more to do with the original point of the night, and gave a smile made smaller than normal by nerves. "Anything! Surprise me!" The smile grew just a little bit, but when he looked away from Simon and saw someone staring at him intently, the smile died and the nerves came back two fold.

Most of the people in is club weren't like Simon. They came to dance and drink and meet people to fuck. A very small amount of people came upstairs. Even more lived this scene. That said, when Sinon followed Peter's line of sight and saw the heavy eye petting, after handing him one of the two fireball shots he'd ordered, he put his arm around Peter to brace him against the bar without actually touching him. That was a signal to anyone that Peter was taken. Those eyes? Well they turned elsewhere and Simon smiled at Peter and raised his glass for a toast.

"To how you look in those pants," he shouted, grinning, and clinked his shot against Peter's before downing his. The fire on his throat and stomach was perfection. "Relax! People like to look at pretty things. It's a compliment!" Peter wasn't used to it, he understood that, but this was just one of those places where you had to be okay as eye candy. "We can go upstairs any time you want. Want to take a tour?"

Peter took the shot, switching it to his other hand when a bit spilled over and a drop got on his fingers. He totally missed the possessive gesture (wouldn't have mind even if he had) in licking the drop off his index finger. The suggested toast actually got a laugh out of him and a better smile, thus he toasted and downed it- his eyes went wide at the powerful burn and he had to swallow in a hurry. A wine drinker, less good at shots. Cough. "Whoa!" Cough. Swallow a few dozen times, then another laugh. "I need to get better at this!"

He licked his lips, tasting cinnamon on them, before nodding. A tour would be nice, actually. "Show me around!" Upstairs... he wasn't sure what would happen when they crossed that treshhold, so he wasn't in a huge hurry to get in there, but it would come and he would handle it. Simon was confident. He needed to be, too.

Upstsirs was the only place to show Peter around at. Down here you had the main bar and the corner bar, a dance floor and the DJ booth. Upstsirs was more interesting. Wristband checkers let them through with a fist bump from one to Simon and a jealous look from the other. It grew significantly more quiet as they moved up carpeted squares until only the thumping baseline brought anyone's attention to the bodies moving downstairs. It was dark. The walls were covered in velvet wallpaper, Victorian boudoir style. Simon pulled out his phone to light up a section of the brocade pattern running in crushed purple from floor to ceiling.

"So it's warm on bare skin. And for the extra sensation," he explained without going into detail. "And surprisingly easy to clean too. All of these rooms," to the left and right, "are for public sessions. Usually that one is for refreshments. Complimentary when they give a demonstration since its included in the price of a ticket. The others are themed." Industrial. Medical. Traditional dungeon, and one with no furniture at all, just baskets and baskets of heavy rope. There were rings sunken into the walls and the ceilings. "Around to the left are play rooms. You have to rent those and be a member. And to the right is the ballroom. The demo tonight will be in here. If it's Mitch, it will be on spanking and posturing. Nothing major and nothing you need a lot of props for.... Yeah, see, they're setting up the chairs now."

A man and a woman were chatting as they hauled metal folding chairs to the center of the room. The lights were brighter in here, the walls just painted white and the floor linoleum. It had a raised platform too, a small stage, bare save for a winged back chair in purple velvet right in the middle like a throne.

Peter's fingertips briefly played over the material, not entirely sure what to think about those little tidbits. Were people just... out here having sex all the time? Almost no one was up here right now (when did things start, normally, he wondered) so he wasn't sure, yet. Public sessions? He super wasn't sure on the idea of doing anything bedroom related in public... was Simon thinking that? How could anyone be that open? With people watching... he already felt his face flushing at the mere idea. He wasn't sure he could even look in the direction of two people doing- anything- never mind do it himself. What was Simon thinking he would do? Now the mention of 'don't challenge me in public' came back to bite him because he tried to imagine being asked to do something he had no part in wanting to do in public and not wanting to do it... did that mean he HAD to do it if he agreed to this, even if he didn't, or would it just anger or embarrass Simon if he didn't--

His head was spinning already.

Did Simon just say spanking? They were going to watch someone get spanked? Peter had deeply conflicting feelings going on and he wasn't sure if there was enough alcohol in this place to get him to relax from any of it. Doing this in private was one thing but... he peered into the ballroom, that throne at the stage, and remembered all over again what Mindy had said about him kneeling at Simon's feet.

The thought didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it should have. In fact, the exact opposite, despite the blush.

"Cat has your tongue huh? No questions for me yet?" Part of this exercise was to get Peter comfortable enough to voice what he did and did not want. That would be very important later. Simon leaned back against the doorway as if he'd done it s hundred times and was about to say something else when the woman in the room, hair tumbling down her back in blonde curls and wearing little more than thigh high boots and a red leather lingerie set, called him by name with a squeal.

"How are you, Simon!?" She came over gracefully, despite those insanely high heels she was on, and smiled with red painted lips at the man. "Introduce me to this one?"

"Not too bad. Cynthia, this is Peter. Peter, this is Cynthia. She use to be my boss here," he grinned. "She handles the performers."

"Less than J might have liked," Cynthia said. "New recruit?"

"Just kink curious," Simon assured her. "We came out for the demonstration. I'm trying to answer any questions he has."

"You're in good hands then, Peter. Feel free to ask anyone here anything. It's a teaching night and a beginner's class so you're in good company. We have all levels of participants too. It shouldn't be too large of a group. Wednesday nights are less crowded than Fridays and Saturdays so please. Enjoy yourselves. Simon, a word? Peter will be fine here with Caleb."

A tall, willowy man paused in what he was doing upon hearing his name, wearing regulars jeans and a black tshirt. He had dark eyes and dark hair, and padded over in black kicks. "Mistress?" The man, no older than Peter, smiled brightly at him. "How can I help?"

"Keep our dear Peter company. Perhaps he could use some insight?"

"Absolutely. Hi Peter. We can talk as I finish setting up?"

Simon gave Peter a nod. Permission. Even if he hadn't asked for it.

Another few thousand, Peter thought to himself, but that comfortable part hadn't quite come to him yet. Privately, he thought he might have asked a few more, but here? The cat certainly had its claws full.

If none of them guessed Peter was absolutely on the verge of panicking? He felt he was doing well. Honestly, down to his core, he didn't want to somehow insult any of these people OR embarrass Simon, so he was trying with everything in him. It might not be hard to miss that he brought his eyes right up to Cynthia's, looking at nothing else, and he did give her a real smile when he said 'hello', but his eyes went right back to his boots. He wasn't used to people being dressed in so little around him and while she wasn't his type, it didn't mean he wouldn't oogle a little if he gave into that urge.

Still, everyone seemed really friendly, which was helping immensely, so when suddenly he was left alone with a new thought (would he have to call Simon 'Master', then?) and a new person, it took him a moment to catch up mentally. When he started, realizing he was being rude, he gave a sheepish smile and offered out a hand to Caleb. "Nice to meet you. Need a hand?" Always ready to lend one.

He would jump right in to helping to set up chairs, realizing that the questions he even had for Caleb felt rude to ask. Mistress... was it just always like that? To never feel equal to your partner? Did they ever just live normally together? The idea of always being 'on' felt like it would be exhausting when he just wanted to come home and collapse or go have fun with the Twelve or whatever, that any failure might end up ... er, with physical discomfort? How did they handle it? Did it feel weird to have someone see her in that type of gear?

...Did they love one another? How did love fit into any of this? He imagined he'd always find love, and there felt like that spark, the beginning of it, when Simon mentioned the hospital and feeling it since then... but was it that? Or was it just... lust and the desire to have someone in this community with him?

Peter closed his eyes and took a pointed breath. Maybe he should have read up on the internet more.

They finished up quickly together and Caleb invited Peter into the room Simon said was for refreshments just next door. It was empty and Celeb asked if Peter would help him with the tables. "You look like you have a hundred questions. So how about I answer a few I had at first when Cynthia brought me here."

There was a gentle smile behind this tall young man as he and Peter clicked the legs together.

"Cynthia was my English professor. Two years later I became her TA and I was friends with her boyfriend and pet. They let me ask all sorts of questions but I was nervous. They acted like regular people most of the time but sometimes Cynthja would use him as a foot rest or make him run errands for her or kneel and hold our glasses while we were doing work. He said that they liked to live the lifestyle when it suited them. And Cynthia said she could tell when he wanted to be pet instead of boyfriend. That it was sometimes easier to let go and not have to think and just, you know, do. I didn't get it. Anyway, he got tenure at a university in America and Cynthia was happy for him even if it meant breaking up. That's just how it goes sometimes. She and I aren't in a relationship if you're curious, but she's training me."

He had Peter help him spread a sheet over the table.

"So no. We don't have sex. Yes, I call her Mistress while I'm acting as her pet. I don't live with her but sometimes I do stay over--". Caleb paused at the twitch in Peter's eye when he mentioned sex. "This is rarely about sex, Peter. Some people enjoy sex during their sessions and some people have sessions first and sex later-- For me, I like the idea of being helpful. And I like knowing my place. And I hope one day to find someone that will be my true Mistress so I can love her and she me and I can still have all of this in my life. Simon's sort of a legend around here. There aren't a lot of doms that work here at all. Not men at least. I hope you'll keep an open mind about all of this. I understand being shy though. But you can ask me anything."

It was almost disturbing how much Caleb seemed to read into what he was thinking, but then again, if Caleb had gone through something similar, maybe it wasn't a surprise he could guess what was racing through his head. Peter listened intently as they worked, trying to take it all in. In a lot of ways, it felt easier to ask a stranger some of these questions that even Simon. He never wanted to make a fool out of himself in front of Simon and despite Simon's reassurances, he still felt like one for it.

"...That's... intimidating," Peter admitted, the corner of his mouth lifted. "All of it, in particular the legend bit, but... I feel completely out of my league. I didn't even know this sort of thing really existed until a few days ago, and the idea of being part of it might be--" he made the one-handed mind being blown gesture. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't interested in learning some of it, even if only to understand Simon better. I..." He hesitated, chewing his lip, before asking quietly, "how deep does it really go? Simon... said it was all or nothing, but the idea of not being able to just do stuff on my own again? That feels a little like I just went back to being under my parents."

A pause, eyes wide, before he made such a face. "Uh, I hope that didn't come out like I think it did! I mean I just got out and able to do my own thing, you know??" He hoped Caleb would understand! "I mean, at certain times, it actually sounds like it'd be kind of nice but... all the time? Or... is not common? Or a thing? Or-" he swallowed, just forcing himself to stop.