forallyoucare | (no subject)

(no subject)

JC wasn’t sure when the voices started. They popped up here or there in his childhood, usually egging him on to do something dangerous. His mum use to say that he was playing with an imaginary friend, but the voice was never a solid thing to run down to the corner shop with or to throw sticks in the river with when the other boys in the neighborhood thought he was too weird or creepy to hang around with. The voice never stuck around either so JC couldn’t exactly blame it. And he sounded mad when he did.

After a rather detrimental and insistent period in his teenage years, culminating in one very big adventure that nearly gave his parents a heart attack when the voice demanded that he go all the way to the city for a few days without telling anyone, it disappeared for a long, long time.

But that sweet, familiar persistence came back again one afternoon where they were just leaving a coffee house after a small after-concert rally with the Twelve, or while he was showing Andrew a cat video that one of their online supporters tweeted him, or when he was by himself in the woods looking up at the sun through the sky-- He didn’t know when it started but it was back again and it was itching at his skull like sand stuck behind his eyes.

All he knew was that they needed to start reaching more people. Facebook and Twitter were fine. Tumblr worked. The new Youtube channel seemed to be doing all right but the coffee shops in small towns around their home base? The venues were just too small. They needed to travel, together. All of them.

That’s when he went to Judas with his idea. Err…the voice’s idea. “What if we rented and RV and traveled? We could book gigs everywhere!”

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"Romantic asexual," Simon corrected slightly. "I had a client that just wanted to be whipped and then held. She said she never got aroused and wasn't interested in even trying to get that way. Like she wasn't interested in anything else. But she had a girlfriend and they cuddled and held hands and did the normal things people do. Without the sex."

He let thick arms hang over the lip of the tub before bracing himself to crawl forward onto Judas, sitting down in his lap and on his own heels. "So. You're going to see if that's what he wants from you? Or if he's just afraid you're going to wander off?" He pushed some wet-ended dreds over Judas' shoulder, leaning in to kiss him. It was sweeter than Simon usually liked, his embrace less fleeting than usual. "Because that's cute... I just pictured him more with Peter doing that."

He definitely wasn't on top of those sorts of terms, but Judas tucked it away in the back of his head. Sure sounded like JC... well, minus the whipping bit. Sometimes he didn't want to know more about what Simon did on his play dates with people and this was almost too much info for him. Still, whatever made him happy.

He accepted the kiss, returned it, almost amused with the fact that Simon's hair was still oddly perfect. What did it even look like without five tons of hair product in it? However, that last comment? Made him laugh. "Are you nuts? Peter's always happy to be near him, but if he's looking for anyone to do that shit with, it's you. He's got it bad for you. JC probably can't even touch that."

Simon laughed. "That's not even funny," he said. Maybe he'd told Judas that he had a secret crush on Peter once because there was something about saving a life that made you responsible for that life. He was pretty sure that Judas was just teasing him now with throwing that back in his face. He toned down the gawking and went for another kiss, trying to gauge how willing Judas was for a round three. "Peter's too... Wholesome. He's going to end up with a really short wife or another guy that looks just like him."

Because honestly. Peter was sort of the epitome of perfection. He had soft and unworked hands, his parents were rich and he came from a Liberal Arts college on a full scholarship.

"And if you're right... Shit. I'd ruin him. So that's not gonna happen."

"Not joking," Judas muttered, trying to judge for himself how he was for a round three. How the hell did Simon have that kind of turn around? If they went slower, he might be up for it, but he definitely wasn't a full match for Simon's rebound. "It doesn't matter what he is, point is that he does. Haven't you noticed it? He's got it bad for you. Maybe you're his type more than some girl or another skinny kid. Noticed it yesterday when he was giving you those puppy eyes of his." He looked amused, his hands on Simon's hips.

"Can't give me too much shit about JC if you can't take it about your personal puppy."

"I'm going to give you shit becsuse now you're just being cruel," Simon said, hand wrapping around Judas to help them both out. He had another crime to comiit and he planned on doing that here and now before he took Judas home later or tomorrow morning. Judas wasn't usually the stay and cuddle sort. Not with him at least. Simon didn't mind.

But he did mind about being teased about Peter.

"Damn it. Now you're getting me hard just thinking about that. My puppy huh?" How was he so blind to see it? He was trained to know when someone wanted him and he exploited it. He just thought Peter was... Firstly, straight, maybe bi-curious. And secondly, leagues above him. "Fuck. Jude, I'm going to need you to get hard right now, put this condom on, and fuck the thought out of me before I do something stupid."

Oh hello. That definitely got Judas interested all over again, considering he hadn't really thought Simon was going to let him, so that got more than a bit of a savage grin out of Judas. No, he wasn't the cuddle sort... though JC might have argued that as he did end up cuddled beside his friend if they stayed over together. Still, less thinking about that right now.

"Heh, you really are deep into that stuff." He was heavily amused by the whole thing. "Not trying to be cruel, just point out the obvious." He could slide a hand down over Simon's backside and tease between his cheeks while watching him. "Maybe I should let you go be stupid, mm?" That was just teasing now (okay being a bit cruel) and he knew it.

"Get my phone," Simon said, because people did and said stupid things when they were aroused. Said phone was in his pants and currently located wherever his pants happened to land. He wasn't sure.

Would he call Peter right now? Probably not. There was a condom with Judas' name on it between his teeth already and Simon let the foil flutter to the floor. It was rare he let someone do this but Judas had been a good sport so far and the Dom in Simon liked to reward his partners for a job well done. What better reward than a little bit of a balls deep thank you?

Tomorrow though? Well, he'd have to watch. He'd have to see if he could catch Peter looking his way and if he did, what those blue eyes told him about Pete's attraction.

And maybe they could talk about the things Simon liked. Or... Maybe not. Maybe he could try it normal first.

He hissed as he lowered himself onto Judas. The phone was forgotten for now. "I actually bought him coffee tonight," Simon murmured, letting Judas throb inside of him for a few moments before he moved. "Ah damn it. He'd really be such a good boy..."

Like fuck he was going to go dig up Simon's phone when the other had him all encouraged and ready to go. He rumbled by Simon's ear as he shifted his hips around, not pulling back yet just trying to loosen Simon up and enjoying the sensation of him. This was fun in more way that one, even if it was difficult to think at the same time. "'Sides, you'd have the first crack at him, huh?" That bit about the coffee was vaguely interesting... maybe Simon did have an interest in Peter more than just Peter's ridiculous puppy crush.

He arched his back and picked his hips up, then let gravity bring them both down. There might have been more than a bit of payback in mind for how hard Simon had taken him to show he could give it back in spades, bracing Simon's back eventually against the edge of the tub so that he could fuck the other hard.

The problem was that Peter was already heading out of town. It didn't take much for him to get towards a bus stop, staring down mindlessly at his phone, fighting back that stupid urge to cry again. Go back to college, forget about all of this even if it felt like the place he belonged. They could manage without him. The others knew how to deal with a computer and Judas had the login info. They would deal with out him. Simon certainly did.

Peter would not be alone at the bus station, not with JC sitting on the back bench, watching him fiddle with his phone, before he cleared his throat. "Are you leaving us, Peter?" The voice had sent him out here, woken him from a dead sleep, and there was still a bit of sleep in his eyes and his voice as he watched Peter turn like he'd been shot. JC gestured at the seat beside him, not sure what had happened exactly to fracture the Twelve apart.

How could he be on the verge of losing one of his group already? Perhaps this Kickstarter had been a terrible idea. The jealousy it was unleashing seemed in poor taste to his message. Thad had been acting strange all night and kept bringing it up. James, who hadn't gotten a single pledge yet, was feeling sad. He'd even reacted to Judas. And Peter--

He only had a small idea about that and it felt wrong in his gut.

"Sit with me," he commented softly. "And talk with me. I just want to understand."

Peter almost had a heart attack on the spot. The bus stop had been completely silent up until that voice and it was only by some good luck that Peter's phone didn't hit the ground when he jumped a foot. He struggled to grab it before it hit, just barely managing, and stared at JC with wide eyes. How- How was JC here? No one knew. Not even the brothers knew. His heart was racing from the fright, lips parted. "J-Jesus?"

He stared at the seat, then all at once was almost overcome by a huge wave of guilt. He looked away, taking a moment for himself by shoving his phone into his pocket, then like a scolded kid, ended up in the seat beside JC. What was he even supposed to say that didn't sound incredibly stupid? My heart decided I was in love with someone and they're sucking face with Judas in some club right now. Yeah, not about to say that out loud, especially when he knew something was going on with Judas and JC right now.

"...I learned tonight... sometimes following your heart only gets you hurt." It sounded even more stupid when he said it aloud, his head hanging.

JC smiled, perhaps a little sadly, and put his hand on Peter's far shoulder across his back. "Following your heart almost always gets you hurt," he said, which probably wasn't a comfort. "The trick is to let it heal more strongly and to try again." Without specifics, JC couldn't give any meaningful advice--

He's in love with Simon. The voice was clear as day, as if someone was whispering in his ear. And Simon, right now, is bathing with Judas.

It made JC flinch noticeably, glancing over Peter's shoulder as if there was someone standing there. He felt a strange mixture of emotion on that, which eventually subsided. Judas couldn't stray from the Twelve and from him if he was with Simon right now. He let himself breathe more easily and then hug Peter to his chest.

"I'm going to suggest something you won't like," he whispered into Peter's hair. "Before you decide if your heart is truly broken or just bruised, talk to him." It wasn't the first that JC had been prophetic.

He couldn't help the flinch that came at JC's first words. It hurt to hear, and it didn't exactly help. "There's a big difference when you're just ripping it apart again and again," he murmured. JC didn't know. No one knew. He assumed the flinch was because of his words, a sympathy gesture more than anything else, and it made him sigh. It felt so easy to let JC hug him, letting him close his eyes-

Until JC said that, making Peter freeze. It wasn't the first time, not by a long shot, but it was the first time that unerring sense of the truth was used on him. He choked a little on trying to find what to say, wanting to deny it because it was such a private topic, but... this was JC. He shared everything, usually. How could he feel weird about that?

"What's the point?" he whispered, hating that he could hear those threatening tears in his voice. His accent only became that much worse when he was upset. "Broken or bruised, he knows what he wants and it isn't me. How could I live with that every day, knowing that? It'll just... just get worse."

"And if it isn't, then you'll know. But until you ask, you never will," JC said kindly as he held onto Peter. "But your life and your place here isn't defined by any other human being. You are here because I want you to be here. Because you are important to this cause. I love you as I love Simon. I don't want to lose you because of a romantic entanglement." And he felt that way about Judas too. He didn't want to lose him. JC couldn't continue without Judas. Or Peter. Or any of his Twelve. He had a path and it was one he was only capable of following with these men at his side.

Peter could never understand how important he was, even if JC explained it. And if he did, Peter would never believe him anyway.

"I will tell you one small secret about Simon Zealots, Peter. The thing he wants-- what he needs the most-- is someone who will stay with him. Every other person in his life is fleeting and for physical satisfaction. But that alone can not satisfy a man."

Why did JC have to make so much sense? His heart, angry and hurt, didn't want to listen where as his brain was nodding in agreement. He had told Simon why he wanted to be with JC and right now, he was willing to throw that away because he was hurt. His heart didn't want to hurt over and over if Simon didn't feel like that about him. Or would it get over Simon if he asked the other and just got a flat out rejection? What if Simon didn't want talk to him anymore, or didn't come sit beside him and call him Petey and any of the little things he loved? Peter groaned quietly, hating the back and forth pull in his head.

JC's secret about Simon though... it did exactly what JC was hoping it would and started making Peter think about things on a new level. Was that really what Simon needed? He thought about what Simon had said, about wanting to prove he was something more... But Simon chose things to be like this, didn't he? Picked up people and did things with them... but what if Simon had chosen Judas to fill that spot?

He rubbed his face, sighing quietly. "Do you really think so?" he pulled back enough to meet JC's eyes, his own still so red-rimmed from crying.

"What I think is that you should insert some of those psychology courses you've taken into your situation here and take a step back to view it all objectively for a few moments. I've said it many times... The first step to love and acceptance is through conversation and demonstration. Right now? Everything is going on right here." He lightly pushed his finger against Peter's forehead and then stood, taking his friend by the hand. "Stay with me tonight." He meant nothing by it. None of the Twelve ever suspected anything when JC asked them to stay in his bed. "Tomorrow is a fresh day and you can use your head and your heart to your best advantage. Also, my mom will make us pancakes."

Which seemed silly for a man who just turned thirty to enjoy or brag about, but JC was an odd duck.

At Simon's place, the flat sitter was currently crawling around looking for Judas' ubderwear. He had no idea how close he'd been to losing someone that really mattered to him. Someone he tried to look out for and who evidently might have been thinking more of him than he ought to have been.

"You're sure you have on underwear...?"

Which was how Peter ended up curled up in JC's bed for the night, even if he was wide, wide awake and lost in thought through the night. His mind poured through every word Simon had said when they'd gone and gotten coffee, even long before that, trying to piece together if JC's words were true or not. Did Simon just want someone loyal? Like JC's kind of loyal or something more? What did he feel if Simon wanted to go do... stuff like he'd seen on the website? What about to him?

"Fuck, maybe I didn't...?" Judas scrubbed his face, trying to remember. Drinking and then multiple rounds of good sex meant his brain was verging on mush. "Don't worry about it. If you find it, you find it. Not like the first time I went commando." Might chafe a bit tonight, though.

He stretched out, the corset slung over his arm. Not going to bother with it now that he was heading back.

"Don't be dumb. You're gonna have the worst time on the bike." Simon shot a pair of boxers at Judas. Not his sort of underwear but it was clean and clean was all that mattered right now.

Simon didn't bother to wait for an offer to come in, there was no need for that, and didn't bother to kiss Judas good night either. Again, that was somewhat pointless. Their time together was over. It had been nice but now it was done. He waved from the back of the bike and went home to sleep on his own bed.

Simon was use to partying and so he was up around nine without a hangover or a headache, hair a little more tamed and wearing glasses when he headed down to the garage. He had no idea where one of his contacts had gotten to after he pulled them out of his eyes and he was waiting on a replacement shipment. It meant that he was looking a little different than usual, though he hadn't traded in his leather jacket for a suede elbow blazer at least.

In a fairly good mood, he grabbed a few bags of bagels from his saddlebag and sauntered into the garage to see who else had arrived. He wasn't expecting Judas any time soon.

By the time Simon arrived, there was only three people there. Bart, but that was no surprise. His feet were sticking out from under the bus, currently working on something there. The other two were JC and Peter - Judas probably wouldn't show up for a good while, snoring in the darkness under his pillow against the light, and the others would slowly trickle in.

Peter was where he usually was, working on his laptop nearby, but he had blue prints spread out around him and was researching places they could get what JC had designed. He had his chin propped up in his hand, brows pinched as he was intent on whatever he was doing.

One hip jutting out, Simon watched Peter from over the rim of his glasses. Yes. That made him look blurry but the image was just so cute. His hair was perfectly mussed up and that look of concentration-- He was thinking again of what Judas had said. The perfect puppy.

He didn't wait until he was noticed. He headed over to JC first and offered him the usual everything bagel and a hug, which JC accepted immediately and with warmth. He crossed the room, dragging a metal chair loudly behind him as he sauntered towards Peter

That should get his attention. Simon smiled as he plopped down on the chair backwards. "What's your poison? Egg or sundried tomato?"

Peter twitched up hard at the squeal of noise and looked towards Simon, and felt the most utterly confusing series of emotions he had felt in a long time. That hurt threatened to well up again, remembering the sight of Simon nuzzled up to Judas. That always familiar elegant feeling of attraction like he'd never felt until he'd met Simon. That feeling of friendship and warmth that they had built up.

Yet JC's words cropped up over it all and with some effort, he managed to bring up a smile. "Tomato," he said, sitting up straight in his chair. "How are you? Good night?" What would Simon admit to from last night? There was a small but sickly feeling of jealousy welling up. Would it be worse when he saw Judas?

"Why? Do I look that bad?" Somewhat deflated hair, glasses instead of contacts, sweater under the leather jacket? He just wanted to be cozy to get to work today. Simon put the bag in his lap and went digging, not really looking up at Peter.

He grinned, fishing out the right bagel the first time. He still sniffed it to make sure it was the right one though.

"It wasn't too bad. Went to the old club, saw some people I haven't in awhile..." He handed over the bagel and eyeballed Peter appraisingly. "Should have asked if you wanted to come. Are you a club boy, Pete?"

"Uh," he didn't immediately take the bagel, then snapped himself out of it and looked a bit sheepish. "No, no. You look... good." Really good. Those glasses... he couldn't remember seeing them on Simon in the past and it messed with his head a little how good Simon actually looked in them. He busied himself opening up his bagel and taking a bit when the question came, making him pause hard. Had- Had Simon seen him last night? He lifted his head slowly, blinking.

"Uh," another brain fart. "I... went, a few times?" he offered not-helpfully.

"Really?" That was actually a little surprising and reassuring. So Peter wasn't entirely straight laced. That actually made him feel a little more relaxed and he settled his chin on the back of the chair. "Next Wednesday is industry night. Do you wanna come with me? JC only has that afternoon meeting at Beans, right?"

He rocked forward just a little, lifting the front legs off of the ground. Part of him was pretty sure that Peter would politely decline. But the other part of him? Oh God! Oh God he was having such incredible thoughts. Simon watched Peter's face, scrutinizing.

"I have a few connections. And I'll keep you safe from any handsy blokes." Yes. Blokes. Not women. Another test.

Peter's brows pinched but probably not for the reason Simon thought. After several seconds of combing through everything Simon had just suggested, Peter tilted his head, all too dog-like, and asked, "industry?" what did that even mean? "I'd like to go, though?" It meant a club and with Simon so sure, he was more than willing. The fact Simon was inviting him anywhere meant he would go for sure.

It didn't even register for him that Simon said 'handsy blokes'. After all, Simon's pictures had been with a... variety of people. Men and Women. So he just... assumed Simon preferred both.

Simon liked everyone. Some people were beer people. Some people liked red wine. Some white. Simon liked both. And maybe a little Merlot. Or some Sangria. Or some Chardonnay that used to be a pino. It was all fine. It was actually supposed to be a question to see if Peter would say if he preferred men to women. Just because judas said he looked at him like a puppy (and he did!) didn't mean he was interested in him sexually.

He watched Peter's confusion, though, and smiled. "Industry night is for people that work in the club industry. Bartenders and security and dancers. Things like that. Wednesday tends to be their nights off and they bring in temp staff to let them enjoy the scene."

Peter had already gotten an eye full from the balcony. But he would get more than that going with Simon, being in Simon's arm...

"If you get uncomfortable at all, just tap out. Okay? Some of the guys can be rough."