forallyoucare | (no subject)

It was stupid, it was blind, it involved almost no thought at all, but Peter was still young, still inexperienced, and a bit of a fool. He hated himself for crying over Simon, angry because he was reacting like a child, but he couldn't help himself. His parents had told him he was still too young, even if that wasn't really true, to be out on his own but he had been ready to show him it wasn't true--

He was hurt, handling it badly, and he knew it.

But Judas had no idea and right now, with Simon showing him just how skilled he was, anyone else was a million miles from his mind. Both of his hands were gripping somewhere - the crunch of that hair gel, the back of his neck with the other - his head fallen back as he bit roughly into his own lip to keep from making some seriously embarrassing sounds. It had been way too fucking long since he'd gotten off and his body was reminding him whole heartedly right now. Simon had him and had him hard right now, but once he was recovered from it, he would fight back. He could give those similar low growls and leave his mark on Simon in turn, a challenge against the other as he gave a bit of a rough bite to a nipple perked by the air-conditioning, a hand dropping to wrap around leather and the skin beneath and squeeze.

Simon wasn't usually crazy about having anyone fight him back but this turned out to be deliciously fun. Though he didn't consider himself switch, for Judas, tonight, he'd do a whole lot of things as long as they felt good to them both. And as long as he got a chance to ride Judas hard into the sofa cushions, face down. The leather was cool and then hot, the friction awful and then slick with sweat. It was by far Simon's favorite place in the apartment.

And that might have to do with the mirrored wall direction across from it. He made Judas watch him as he took his time thrusting into him. He got off more on watching Judas' face than he did on the feeling of being inside of him.

Second orgasm? Simon. On the couch. With his hand. And part of the couch. And his dick. Him. It was a complicated crime.

They took time to rehydrate, standing around the kitchen naked. Simon tried to get Judas to eat out of his palm but he figured that might be pushing it.

Yeah that wasn't happening, Simon. Judas just gave Simon a hard look for the attempt, his elbows hooked on the counter and a drink in one hand, condensation dripping to the floor. He was easy with his body in the nude, but it showed the years of his life written across it like a book. Scars, the needle marks in his arms, even his ankles. The tattoos, all in faded black, wrapped around his biceps. Lean, without much in the way of fat on him, and a lot of his bulk ended up in the volume of his coat. Still, his shoulders were broad, good muscles in his arms.

"Fuck me," he muttered, shifting his weight. "Gonna be sore in the morning. There better be one giant shower hidden in all this luxury with a lot of hot water behind it." He rubbed his jaw, feeling the friction from the couch where his skin had been ground into the black leather.

Oh well. He could always try. He popped the grapes into his own mouth and watched the way Judas' fingers played across the condensation from the glass. "Do you one better. Jacuzzi?" The bathroom was ridiculous and Simon tended to stick to the smaller bathroom off of the guest room because it was easier to clean but this was a special occasion. He grabbed a full bunch of grapes from the bowl behind the stainless steel fridge door and motioned with his head for Judas to follow him.

Eating grapes and waiting for the tub to fill, Simon sat on the edge of the bath and watched Judas. He never judged any of those marks, he never had to. Simon had his own, but they were hidden up his nose. It was a little kinder that way but his colds were no less telling.

"You ready to tell me about what crazy you and JC were into this time? Even you two don't make up thst fast." And if they had decided to try the dating thing, Judas wouldn't be here with him now. Probably.

Judas sat relaxed on the edge of the jacuzzi - oh shit, yeah, this was even better - and stole a grape, popping it into his mouth. It felt a little awkward bringing JC up right now, given what they'd been at all night, but if he was going to talk about it, it'd be with Simon. He rubbed his neck, frowning as he felt a sore spot which probably meant a hickey, damn it, and shrugged.

"I was... probably a lot more blunt with him than I usually am. I'm not going anywhere from him, and I hope maybe I got that into his head, but I was blunt about the fact that I'm a certain kind of guy. I like to drink and smoke and fuck... a whole lot of things we both know JC isn't into. I'm willing to give this dating thing a try, if he really wants that, but I'm not sure that is what he wants. I think he just wants to know I'm not going anywhere, I'm his. I've been his since the day he found me."

Simon frowned ever so slightly. "Now that you mention it, I actually can't picture JC fucking," he snorted. "I know he's just a guy like the rest of us but I just can't imagine what that would be like." He leaned back to add some scented oil and bubbles to the tub. Why not if he was doing this up right? He splashed a bit to test the temperature and slid on in, offering his hand to Judas like a gentleman.

They could still talk as they soaked, legs thrown over legs. Sometimes Simon wondered why he didn't do this more often. It was relaxing and the company was good. He just knew nothing would come of it.

He was starting to feel how lonely thst was.

Okay, the bubbles were almost funny, and he flicked some of them at Simon when he got in, but he didn't complain. It was... nice. Judas didn't expect anything to come of it, and he knew Simon wouldn't either, which was why he agreed at all. No strings attached. He just could relax with it, even if he had to keep Simon's urges somewhat in check. He let his head lean back, eyes closed and leaving them dark pits with makeup.

"That's just it. Maybe he's not, you know? Maybe he's... what's that whole thing? Asexual? I've never seen him have the slightest interest in anything but a cuddle but at the same time he's one of the touchiest guys I know." He held hands with everyone, hugged, hands on a shoulder... just always touching. It had bothered the fuck out of him at first, but in the years since, he'd gotten more than used to it. Didn't even think twice about it anymore.

"Romantic asexual," Simon corrected slightly. "I had a client that just wanted to be whipped and then held. She said she never got aroused and wasn't interested in even trying to get that way. Like she wasn't interested in anything else. But she had a girlfriend and they cuddled and held hands and did the normal things people do. Without the sex."

He let thick arms hang over the lip of the tub before bracing himself to crawl forward onto Judas, sitting down in his lap and on his own heels. "So. You're going to see if that's what he wants from you? Or if he's just afraid you're going to wander off?" He pushed some wet-ended dreds over Judas' shoulder, leaning in to kiss him. It was sweeter than Simon usually liked, his embrace less fleeting than usual. "Because that's cute... I just pictured him more with Peter doing that."

He definitely wasn't on top of those sorts of terms, but Judas tucked it away in the back of his head. Sure sounded like JC... well, minus the whipping bit. Sometimes he didn't want to know more about what Simon did on his play dates with people and this was almost too much info for him. Still, whatever made him happy.

He accepted the kiss, returned it, almost amused with the fact that Simon's hair was still oddly perfect. What did it even look like without five tons of hair product in it? However, that last comment? Made him laugh. "Are you nuts? Peter's always happy to be near him, but if he's looking for anyone to do that shit with, it's you. He's got it bad for you. JC probably can't even touch that."

Simon laughed. "That's not even funny," he said. Maybe he'd told Judas that he had a secret crush on Peter once because there was something about saving a life that made you responsible for that life. He was pretty sure that Judas was just teasing him now with throwing that back in his face. He toned down the gawking and went for another kiss, trying to gauge how willing Judas was for a round three. "Peter's too... Wholesome. He's going to end up with a really short wife or another guy that looks just like him."

Because honestly. Peter was sort of the epitome of perfection. He had soft and unworked hands, his parents were rich and he came from a Liberal Arts college on a full scholarship.

"And if you're right... Shit. I'd ruin him. So that's not gonna happen."

"Not joking," Judas muttered, trying to judge for himself how he was for a round three. How the hell did Simon have that kind of turn around? If they went slower, he might be up for it, but he definitely wasn't a full match for Simon's rebound. "It doesn't matter what he is, point is that he does. Haven't you noticed it? He's got it bad for you. Maybe you're his type more than some girl or another skinny kid. Noticed it yesterday when he was giving you those puppy eyes of his." He looked amused, his hands on Simon's hips.

"Can't give me too much shit about JC if you can't take it about your personal puppy."

"I'm going to give you shit becsuse now you're just being cruel," Simon said, hand wrapping around Judas to help them both out. He had another crime to comiit and he planned on doing that here and now before he took Judas home later or tomorrow morning. Judas wasn't usually the stay and cuddle sort. Not with him at least. Simon didn't mind.

But he did mind about being teased about Peter.

"Damn it. Now you're getting me hard just thinking about that. My puppy huh?" How was he so blind to see it? He was trained to know when someone wanted him and he exploited it. He just thought Peter was... Firstly, straight, maybe bi-curious. And secondly, leagues above him. "Fuck. Jude, I'm going to need you to get hard right now, put this condom on, and fuck the thought out of me before I do something stupid."

Oh hello. That definitely got Judas interested all over again, considering he hadn't really thought Simon was going to let him, so that got more than a bit of a savage grin out of Judas. No, he wasn't the cuddle sort... though JC might have argued that as he did end up cuddled beside his friend if they stayed over together. Still, less thinking about that right now.

"Heh, you really are deep into that stuff." He was heavily amused by the whole thing. "Not trying to be cruel, just point out the obvious." He could slide a hand down over Simon's backside and tease between his cheeks while watching him. "Maybe I should let you go be stupid, mm?" That was just teasing now (okay being a bit cruel) and he knew it.

"Get my phone," Simon said, because people did and said stupid things when they were aroused. Said phone was in his pants and currently located wherever his pants happened to land. He wasn't sure.

Would he call Peter right now? Probably not. There was a condom with Judas' name on it between his teeth already and Simon let the foil flutter to the floor. It was rare he let someone do this but Judas had been a good sport so far and the Dom in Simon liked to reward his partners for a job well done. What better reward than a little bit of a balls deep thank you?

Tomorrow though? Well, he'd have to watch. He'd have to see if he could catch Peter looking his way and if he did, what those blue eyes told him about Pete's attraction.

And maybe they could talk about the things Simon liked. Or... Maybe not. Maybe he could try it normal first.

He hissed as he lowered himself onto Judas. The phone was forgotten for now. "I actually bought him coffee tonight," Simon murmured, letting Judas throb inside of him for a few moments before he moved. "Ah damn it. He'd really be such a good boy..."

Like fuck he was going to go dig up Simon's phone when the other had him all encouraged and ready to go. He rumbled by Simon's ear as he shifted his hips around, not pulling back yet just trying to loosen Simon up and enjoying the sensation of him. This was fun in more way that one, even if it was difficult to think at the same time. "'Sides, you'd have the first crack at him, huh?" That bit about the coffee was vaguely interesting... maybe Simon did have an interest in Peter more than just Peter's ridiculous puppy crush.

He arched his back and picked his hips up, then let gravity bring them both down. There might have been more than a bit of payback in mind for how hard Simon had taken him to show he could give it back in spades, bracing Simon's back eventually against the edge of the tub so that he could fuck the other hard.

The problem was that Peter was already heading out of town. It didn't take much for him to get towards a bus stop, staring down mindlessly at his phone, fighting back that stupid urge to cry again. Go back to college, forget about all of this even if it felt like the place he belonged. They could manage without him. The others knew how to deal with a computer and Judas had the login info. They would deal with out him. Simon certainly did.

Peter would not be alone at the bus station, not with JC sitting on the back bench, watching him fiddle with his phone, before he cleared his throat. "Are you leaving us, Peter?" The voice had sent him out here, woken him from a dead sleep, and there was still a bit of sleep in his eyes and his voice as he watched Peter turn like he'd been shot. JC gestured at the seat beside him, not sure what had happened exactly to fracture the Twelve apart.

How could he be on the verge of losing one of his group already? Perhaps this Kickstarter had been a terrible idea. The jealousy it was unleashing seemed in poor taste to his message. Thad had been acting strange all night and kept bringing it up. James, who hadn't gotten a single pledge yet, was feeling sad. He'd even reacted to Judas. And Peter--

He only had a small idea about that and it felt wrong in his gut.

"Sit with me," he commented softly. "And talk with me. I just want to understand."

Peter almost had a heart attack on the spot. The bus stop had been completely silent up until that voice and it was only by some good luck that Peter's phone didn't hit the ground when he jumped a foot. He struggled to grab it before it hit, just barely managing, and stared at JC with wide eyes. How- How was JC here? No one knew. Not even the brothers knew. His heart was racing from the fright, lips parted. "J-Jesus?"

He stared at the seat, then all at once was almost overcome by a huge wave of guilt. He looked away, taking a moment for himself by shoving his phone into his pocket, then like a scolded kid, ended up in the seat beside JC. What was he even supposed to say that didn't sound incredibly stupid? My heart decided I was in love with someone and they're sucking face with Judas in some club right now. Yeah, not about to say that out loud, especially when he knew something was going on with Judas and JC right now.

"...I learned tonight... sometimes following your heart only gets you hurt." It sounded even more stupid when he said it aloud, his head hanging.

JC smiled, perhaps a little sadly, and put his hand on Peter's far shoulder across his back. "Following your heart almost always gets you hurt," he said, which probably wasn't a comfort. "The trick is to let it heal more strongly and to try again." Without specifics, JC couldn't give any meaningful advice--

He's in love with Simon. The voice was clear as day, as if someone was whispering in his ear. And Simon, right now, is bathing with Judas.

It made JC flinch noticeably, glancing over Peter's shoulder as if there was someone standing there. He felt a strange mixture of emotion on that, which eventually subsided. Judas couldn't stray from the Twelve and from him if he was with Simon right now. He let himself breathe more easily and then hug Peter to his chest.

"I'm going to suggest something you won't like," he whispered into Peter's hair. "Before you decide if your heart is truly broken or just bruised, talk to him." It wasn't the first that JC had been prophetic.

He couldn't help the flinch that came at JC's first words. It hurt to hear, and it didn't exactly help. "There's a big difference when you're just ripping it apart again and again," he murmured. JC didn't know. No one knew. He assumed the flinch was because of his words, a sympathy gesture more than anything else, and it made him sigh. It felt so easy to let JC hug him, letting him close his eyes-

Until JC said that, making Peter freeze. It wasn't the first time, not by a long shot, but it was the first time that unerring sense of the truth was used on him. He choked a little on trying to find what to say, wanting to deny it because it was such a private topic, but... this was JC. He shared everything, usually. How could he feel weird about that?

"What's the point?" he whispered, hating that he could hear those threatening tears in his voice. His accent only became that much worse when he was upset. "Broken or bruised, he knows what he wants and it isn't me. How could I live with that every day, knowing that? It'll just... just get worse."

"And if it isn't, then you'll know. But until you ask, you never will," JC said kindly as he held onto Peter. "But your life and your place here isn't defined by any other human being. You are here because I want you to be here. Because you are important to this cause. I love you as I love Simon. I don't want to lose you because of a romantic entanglement." And he felt that way about Judas too. He didn't want to lose him. JC couldn't continue without Judas. Or Peter. Or any of his Twelve. He had a path and it was one he was only capable of following with these men at his side.

Peter could never understand how important he was, even if JC explained it. And if he did, Peter would never believe him anyway.

"I will tell you one small secret about Simon Zealots, Peter. The thing he wants-- what he needs the most-- is someone who will stay with him. Every other person in his life is fleeting and for physical satisfaction. But that alone can not satisfy a man."

Why did JC have to make so much sense? His heart, angry and hurt, didn't want to listen where as his brain was nodding in agreement. He had told Simon why he wanted to be with JC and right now, he was willing to throw that away because he was hurt. His heart didn't want to hurt over and over if Simon didn't feel like that about him. Or would it get over Simon if he asked the other and just got a flat out rejection? What if Simon didn't want talk to him anymore, or didn't come sit beside him and call him Petey and any of the little things he loved? Peter groaned quietly, hating the back and forth pull in his head.

JC's secret about Simon though... it did exactly what JC was hoping it would and started making Peter think about things on a new level. Was that really what Simon needed? He thought about what Simon had said, about wanting to prove he was something more... But Simon chose things to be like this, didn't he? Picked up people and did things with them... but what if Simon had chosen Judas to fill that spot?

He rubbed his face, sighing quietly. "Do you really think so?" he pulled back enough to meet JC's eyes, his own still so red-rimmed from crying.

"What I think is that you should insert some of those psychology courses you've taken into your situation here and take a step back to view it all objectively for a few moments. I've said it many times... The first step to love and acceptance is through conversation and demonstration. Right now? Everything is going on right here." He lightly pushed his finger against Peter's forehead and then stood, taking his friend by the hand. "Stay with me tonight." He meant nothing by it. None of the Twelve ever suspected anything when JC asked them to stay in his bed. "Tomorrow is a fresh day and you can use your head and your heart to your best advantage. Also, my mom will make us pancakes."

Which seemed silly for a man who just turned thirty to enjoy or brag about, but JC was an odd duck.

At Simon's place, the flat sitter was currently crawling around looking for Judas' ubderwear. He had no idea how close he'd been to losing someone that really mattered to him. Someone he tried to look out for and who evidently might have been thinking more of him than he ought to have been.

"You're sure you have on underwear...?"

Which was how Peter ended up curled up in JC's bed for the night, even if he was wide, wide awake and lost in thought through the night. His mind poured through every word Simon had said when they'd gone and gotten coffee, even long before that, trying to piece together if JC's words were true or not. Did Simon just want someone loyal? Like JC's kind of loyal or something more? What did he feel if Simon wanted to go do... stuff like he'd seen on the website? What about to him?

"Fuck, maybe I didn't...?" Judas scrubbed his face, trying to remember. Drinking and then multiple rounds of good sex meant his brain was verging on mush. "Don't worry about it. If you find it, you find it. Not like the first time I went commando." Might chafe a bit tonight, though.

He stretched out, the corset slung over his arm. Not going to bother with it now that he was heading back.

"Don't be dumb. You're gonna have the worst time on the bike." Simon shot a pair of boxers at Judas. Not his sort of underwear but it was clean and clean was all that mattered right now.

Simon didn't bother to wait for an offer to come in, there was no need for that, and didn't bother to kiss Judas good night either. Again, that was somewhat pointless. Their time together was over. It had been nice but now it was done. He waved from the back of the bike and went home to sleep on his own bed.

Simon was use to partying and so he was up around nine without a hangover or a headache, hair a little more tamed and wearing glasses when he headed down to the garage. He had no idea where one of his contacts had gotten to after he pulled them out of his eyes and he was waiting on a replacement shipment. It meant that he was looking a little different than usual, though he hadn't traded in his leather jacket for a suede elbow blazer at least.

In a fairly good mood, he grabbed a few bags of bagels from his saddlebag and sauntered into the garage to see who else had arrived. He wasn't expecting Judas any time soon.

By the time Simon arrived, there was only three people there. Bart, but that was no surprise. His feet were sticking out from under the bus, currently working on something there. The other two were JC and Peter - Judas probably wouldn't show up for a good while, snoring in the darkness under his pillow against the light, and the others would slowly trickle in.

Peter was where he usually was, working on his laptop nearby, but he had blue prints spread out around him and was researching places they could get what JC had designed. He had his chin propped up in his hand, brows pinched as he was intent on whatever he was doing.