forallyoucare | (no subject)

The fuck...? Judas was not awake enough to deal with the phone practically in his eyeball, JC sounding almost accusing, or being crawled on. He grumbled and vaguely tried to swipe the phone away, brain trying to process what was going on.

"Whawasthat?" he slurred a bit, forcing himself up onto his elbows and looking exhaustively towards JC. Shit, man, he'd put in a full day's workout yesterday he deserved some sleep! ...Damn his neck was sore as hell. What was that about dates and Olive Garden? Was JC mad they had done it? Definitely not awake enough for... life just yet.

"How are you still sleeping?" JC teased good naturedly and hopped to the bottom of the bed to take off his shoes before he once again hogged up all of Judas' space by half laying on him as he burrowed in between his friend and the wall. "The Kickstarter," he told Judas almost accusingly. "You put up dates with almost everyone else but me. So I bought yours."

It probably didn't occur to him that Judas might actually want a date and not just a nice dinner out at a mediocre Italian restaurant.

"And it looks like we're headed out to Caana. I have family that way. One of mom's cousins. For that private lecture. Peter says there's eight or nine email requests asking to put up more travel pledges too." JC finally made himself comfortable and laid an arm over Jucas' waist and the bunched up blankets.

"Some of us worked yesterday," Judas grumbled, taking the second of freedom to rearrange himself with a yawn, watching JC blearily. That was until 'bought yours' was uttered and he just blinked at JC for a second or two before letting his head fall back. So much for Simon's suggestion, huh? Sort of defeated the purpose, too, if JC put his money in on that. Maybe he'd throw himself up for another one, then, but... "You know I'd have taken you out somewhere if you really wanted." ...Maybe not Olive Garden good, though. He was still pretty bad about his budget and always would be.

"Headed out to... wait-" That woke Judas up even more. "You mean someone bought that $500 option!?" Whoa! He hadn't expected that in the least. "Did you say eight or nine- fuck!" That was almost five thousand dollars waiting to happen! He flailed to grab his phone over JC and got the kickstarter up on his phone, his jaw dropping open at how much it pronounced they had. How- the-fuck-!? Just over night?!

"Whoa."

JC took the phone back and laid it on his chest, the edge of light around the device visible in the darkness and only slightly touching his eyes. He watched Judas a little strangely and laid one of his arms over his forehead. "I didn't think you'd want to."

He was not talking about taking money for speaking engagements (JC was going to insist on a free lecture or two with every one that donated because he didn't believe in taking money for spreading his ideas around., even if he knew this was a way to get their bus and trip funded.

"And maybe I should have asked first. But... I thought you might say no. Which, yes all right, probably should have been the first clue to why I ought to have asked-- if you would rather someone else, I'll withdraw it."

He didn't look happy though, just mildly annoyed. Probably at himself.

"What-" Damn it, why did JC keep putting words in his mouth? Why was he doing this before dawn? Judas scrubbed his face with a hand before he reached down and snagged JC's chin, trying to tilt those liquid eyes up to him. "Stop that. What's gotten into you?" This didn't sound like the Jesus he knew, which told him more than anything that something was up.

"Didn't I just say I'd have taken you out somewhere if you wanted to go? Without having to bother with the Kickstarter?" he pointed out, raising a brow down at JC before he let go of his chin. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." They both knew he wasn't that kind, but JC was acting weird compared to normal. In fact the last few days had been like that, but he chalked it up to change, a lot of it, happening.

There was a level of frustration here that caused all of JC's muscles to tense at once. He had been known for his temper tantrums, usually at injustice or disrespect, but this was an entirely new sort of dealing for the near thirty year old man and he couldn't figure out the proper course of action. The voice was very clear on some things and very unclear on the rest.

Buy the date as a personal donation. Check. It implanted a certain sort of fear that Judas might be stolen from him otherwise and he couldn't allow that. He couldn't do this without Judas moreso than the rest. There was a clear heirarchy in the Twelve, at least in his eyes, with Judas at the head and Peter and Simon beneath, Matt, John, Mark and Andy under them and so on.

The hand on his face felt like burning and when Judas released him, that burning turned to ice. JC leaned up on his elbows and scowled. "I want you... To be with me..."

He thought he was being clear about that.

"And no one else."

Of course, he probably ought to have outlined that being with him wasn't the same thing as dating. At least, JC hadnt officially linked the two up in his mind just yet and the voice wasn't giving him good answers either, just pushing him to a goal he was clueless about to bind Judas to JC

What.

Judas stared at JC with slightly parted lips, trying to figure out what the hell JC just said because it couldn't be what he just heard. JC had never looked at him like this - oh, sure, in anger before, and with temper tantrums, and with surprise and hurt but not this sort of almost sullen rage beneath the surface that left Judas stunned. He unconsciously shifted back, but in a rare moment, was struggling to find his words.

Of course until they just burst out of him. "What- excuse me!? Since when? You've never said anything about this until today and you're pissy with me about it!?" Did he wake up in the Twilight Zone or something!? "I haven't gone on a date or anything in fucking years, something even you've teased me about, and now you're what? Jealous? Angry? What is even going on?"

Fuck! JC wanted to date-date him!? Since when!? His brain felt like it was looping in on itself again and again, leaving him downright confused to his core.

"I thought you'd be able to figure it out! You're not a dumb man, Judas!" How long had it been since they'd had a good and proper row? Probably a month? Maybe two? The last time it was over Judas' attempt to get them to donate their shoes to the poor. Their shoes. Which they needed. Jesus was all about charity but he wished some of his friends would just think clearly sometimes. How could they do their good work if they didn't have shoes?!

No one got under his skin like Judas. They were inseparable, madly assertive and the degree to which they butted heads was proof of how intimate they were without being exactly intimate.

"I'm not jealous, but yes, I'm angry!" he conceded. "I teased you about it and so you had to just put yourself up there? Why? Was it supposed to get a reaction out of me? Because it did!"

The walls were thin. Judas' roommates, members of the Twelve, we're all very used to yelling at all hours though. Most of them just turned over or put headphones in and went back to sleep.

The anger left for sorrow -- JC couldn't hold anger for very long at all -- and JC scooted to the end of the bed so he could put his boots back on and get out of there. He was almost too upset and confused to properly lace them up.

"Do what you want. You always do anyway."

All it took was JC to shout at him to turn all that confusion right over into anger. Judas had a fuse that could just as easily be lit as JC's, though in different ways, but JC always had the match that could get it going instantly. Oh he could go get fucked about the shoes because he never listened - it was people who badly needed shoes because of the glass-filled place they were living in and the Twelve had donations coming in so they could buy more and it wasn't like they were without any!

His eyes flared as his fists balled up at his side. "If you didn't fucking notice almost all the rest of them put themselves up there and you're not waking them up to give them shit right now! It had nothing to do with getting a reaction out of you! The whole fucking world doesn't evolve around you, you know! I did it because I thought it might be fun to go out and just hang out with someone for the night who wasn't one of us, but no, you've got to suddenly turn into a jealous dick about it!"

In another room, Peter sat awake, listening, his chin on his knees and his arms around his legs, frowning. He never could sleep when people were fighting.

"Oh, do what I want? That's rich, coming from the King of Do What I Want." Unfortunately, Judas' anger, once raised, tended to be way longer lasting than JC's.

At least they weren't coming to blows or a shoving match at the moment. That always got a little messy, especially when they were alone. Or mostly alone. JC shook his head sadly at Judas as he stood there, shirt miraculously unwrinkled despite all of the climbing around he'd done in Judas' bed. It was rare that JC didn't look pristine, though. He'd crawled around a bus in the middle of being demolished and still came out clean.

What Judas lacked, JC thought, was insight. There would always be a new cause. There would always be people in need of help. One should t just rush off to every new cause. Joining charities and specific nonprofits had overheads. It was t just about goods or money donations-- JC wasn't getting into that now, even if it directly pertained to the fight at present. Again. Judas was not capable of looking at the big picture.

The voice was loud in his head, but the words were jumbled and confusing and JC had no mind to try to untangle them. Instead, he tried to ignore the sounds, though they made it difficult to function. His head felt like it might explode, especially after he logged back into Kickstarter and removed his donation from under Judas' date pledge.

"There. Done. Have fun hanging out with someone that isn't one of us for a change," he snapped, feeling dizzy. He had to brace himself on the wall as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Good luck," he muttered, and went to leave. He'd be slamming the door behind him.

"Stop acting like a child!" Judas growled, seeing a flash of red go through his vision. That was exactly what JC was acting like right now - a spoiled child who wasn't getting his way. Fuck, he was getting his way just not in the exact way he wanted! How could someone like JC, who Judas thought was a brilliant, caring man who had the power to change the lives of everyone he touched, so completely blind to the bigger picture sometimes!?

He didn't even flinch at the slamming door, just glared daggers at it until he was sure JC was away, then threw himself back into bed. It wasn't like he was going to sleep or anything even though he made an attempt at it, instead his mind kept going over the minutes before their fight. Why was JC acting so suddenly jealous? Had he always been jealous but because Judas hadn't bothered with the dating scene he hadn't seen it until now? What right did JC have to act jealous, anyway? He'd offered a lot to JC when things first started that JC hadn't taken, there hadn't been any active talk or signs since... fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He hated this.

He glared into the darkness of his room, a scowl etched onto his features.

Peter sighed, shifting his weight to put his forehead on his knees. Hated when they fought and they could really get into it when they fought. How long until things smoothed over this time?

There was too much passion for Judas and JC to really stay in a fight for too long, so Peter wouldn't have to worry after awhile. Of course, he probably also wasn't expecting JC to arrive at his door, knocking lightly and asking to be let in.

Once Peter opened up for him, JC settled onto the chair at the desk, looking a little put out. And maybe a little more than just pouty. He frowned for awhile and then tilted his head to the right.

"Do you think you can put me up there? Just one. For whatever you think is fair?" The voice was still pounding his skull and so JC spoke softly, as if he could barely manage more.

No, Peter definitely wasn't expecting that. Still, he wasn't about to say no, even if it was a bit awkward, and refolded himself onto his bed as he watched their leader. It really was a lot like listening to his mother and father shout at each other, not that it had happened a lot when he lived there, but still. He had just been about to say something when JC spoke up.

Put me up there? It took Peter a few moments to put two and two together and barely held back a wince. Oh because that didn't make things even more awkward. "S-Sure," he said after a moment or two, trying to figure out what it would even be worth. "Um, let's see, everyone else is up for a hundred but it seems like you sure be more, right? Maybe two hundred?"

"Two-- Peter no. I'm no different from you or any of the others. I just want to help out and since most of the guys are doing it, I should too. I don't want it to be too prohibitive." He was already halfway against taking money for private teaching sessions. He didn't want to put some poor fan out.

Of course, JC had no idea that he would be popular enough to have his pledge bought up in less than five minutes by a woman named Mary. when Peter told him that, JC actually laughed.

"Not my mum, I hope?" Wouldn't that be hilarious? Or maybe a little sad. He didn't expect his mom to know what Kickstarter was though. He was probably safe.

"I don't think so!" Peter said, giving a little laugh at how quickly it was picked up. "It's almost like someone was waiting for your date to show up here." He didn't know about the whole thing of JC taking Judas' date, so he frowned slightly. "Huh. Looks like Judas'-" he stopped though, thinking about it, then decided not to mention that Judas' date had been 'returned'.

"Well, JC, you've got yourself a date! Do you want me to email her back for you? Set up a time and date?" Peter was trying to be helpful, make things go back to normal in the awkward aftermath of the fight.

JC left Peter and the house a few of the Twelve shared together half an hour later, after the email had been sent. He wasn't feeling that great in all honesty, his head was still exploding, but what could he do? Judas had rejected him, though that in itself didn't hurt as badly as their fight had.

The dim cacophony of cursing in his head led JC back to his own bed. He would not be at the garage that day.

And that was why Simon made his way over to a troubled looking Peter just before lunch. All of his dates had been bought and so had two of Peter's but that wasn't what made him curious for some information.

"You look glum." Judas was insufferable. JC wasn't there. "Mom and dad fighting? What about?"

Judas would have growled that JC hadn't been rejected at all. If JC had come and talked to him like a normal human being, things could have... happened. It would have surprised him, they would have had to figure some things out, but it probably would have happened. Fun, cautious, learning. Instead, JC decided to act like a jealous dick. Oh yeah, he was still mad.

Peter was taking a break - he wasn't use to the kind of work he'd been doing for the last day and a half as he helped clear out the mess on the bus so they could start the interior - and had the laptop sitting open on his lap when Simon came over. At the comment about "mom and dad", Peter groaned, letting his head hang. "I don't know exactly, something Judas did or didn't do? I didn't listen in too closely but they're really angry at each other." He looked to his best friend among the Twelve, upset showing in the pinch of his brow.

"I hate when they fight."

"It's how they best communicate," Simon said, arm around Peter's slight shoulders as he leaned in to mess with the site he was on. "If they don't threaten each other with excommunication from friendship every so often, they'll be too happy. Happy people don't get anything done, Pete. You have to be uncomfortable and dissatisfied to really evoke a change."

He frowned a little at the number at the top of the collection page and let his hand fall from the track pad into his lap.

"Fuck. That's not a real number," he muttered. "How do we have-- we don't even have that many Twitter followers. Did each one donate ten bucks? Fuuuuuuck. Uh. Wow. Okay. For that amount, I'm putting out on all of my dates!"

CHOKE! Peter ended up choking on Simon's last words, and unfortunately he was one of those people who had the problem of flushing very bright red when embarrassed so now he was a tomato, staring pointedly down at the laptop instead of Simon. Two friends who couldn't be more different if they tried. "Uh, you, uh, do what you think you need to," he finally said, swallowing down before licking his lips. Maybe he should have bought one of Simon's dates-

"It's incredible. We don't have this many Twitter followers... I have no idea where it's all coming from! There's a lot of sharing going on on Facebook, though? It's a miracle." He was convinced it had to be.

Simon laughed, both at Peter's face and the shine to his eyes. He wasn't an idiot. He knew Peter watched him from time to time, but he was just a kid. He didn't know what he wanted. He was fresh from school, a gap year to travel the world and experience it.

Simon wasn't going to corrupt someone so pure. He had his standards.

"What about you, Petey? Sharing the wealth? Or are you just gonna charm em with your accent and huge eyes for bigger donations?"

It really was a miracle, though. They had been fully funding in less than a day.

As far as Peter was concerned, Simon was incredible. A strong body and soul and attitude in a small package, more knowledgable about the world and three times the strength. He didn't want to be seen as pure, that felt incredibly stupid and embarrassing to what ego he had, even if it was kind of true. Sure, he hadn't gotten much further than second base with someone, but it didn't matter. Okay, so maybe he had more than a bit of a crush on Simon who was so very out of his league.

Aaaaand that blush deepened as Peter shook his head several times. "N-No. I- I mean, maybe? I don't know!" Simon was so damn sure about everything while Peter was only certain about three things - one, that he was glad he had decided to travel the world, two, Simon was incredible, and three, as incredible as Simon was, JC was even more so and worthy of following til the ends of the Earth because he wanted to do something right. Anything else... Peter had no solid idea on. Maybe it was why he saw Simon as strong.

"If I had a hundred bucks, I'd take your last slot," Simon grinned and leaned forward to muss up his hair. He had no idea that he was leaving poor Peter with some heart ache and food for thought as Simon jumped up the stairs into the bus where Matt was wildly swinging the sledge hammer. "Woah! Yo Matty! Not everything needs to go man!"

He patted his shoulder and grabbed the tool from him before shooing him out. Maybe he just wanted a place to smoke where it was quiet. Maybe he wanted to head back to the bunks where Judas Iscariot was hiding.

Simon lit up and sauntered over to one of the curtained cubbies and lightly knocked on the frame. "Hey. Shove over. I got a joint and a handjob if you want some fun or an ear if you wanna listen?"

Simon certainly left Peter sitting there with so much more to think about, staring blankly at the computer screen without really seeing it before groaning and dropping his head into his hands. Why did he have to have a crush on someone so out of his league? Why? "What am I supposed to do?"

The scent of that joint beat Simon in and Judas just grunted, shifting over but his mood was shit. He was miserable and sitting with his phone in hand, ear buds in, listening to a report on a back ass website about the kickstarter with his familiar notebook in his lap. "The joint, yes," he called over, popping out one ear bud. He stretched out a leg, looking like he hadn't really slept with the bags growing under his eyes not helped by smudged makeup.

"You're surprisingly cheerful today," he remarked with a hint of sarcasm, given that Simon ranged from decent to an asshole on most days.

"And you're surprisingly... Did you use today?" He had to ask. There wasn't anyone else here who understood that about Judas or how badly it could be for him to relapse. JC was forgiving and the other guys would absolutely be there for him, but only Simon understood what addiction was like. "Or are you mad that JC got a pledge and you haven't yet?"

So much for being cheerful huh, Judas? Simon didn't like being liked. He wanted to ruffle feathers. He wanted to make his mark even if that was all done up in scars.

It was his nature.

"I'm hoping for the second because I am not holding your hair back as you puke again."

"No." That earned Simon a hard look briefly but he sighed a moment later. "No." That was never going to happen again, never. He'd given up the hard stuff when JC had come into his life. Still, he let out a slow breath and admitted, "this is one of those times I almost miss it." There was no one outside of Simon he would have admitted that to.

That joint, on the other hand, was free game. He put up his hand and cocked a finger. "That? Give it here." Damn if he didn't need it badly. "What's going on out there?"