forallyoucare | (no subject)

Blink.

Judas rarely managed to get completely gobsmacked, but JC tended to be the king of bringing those moments around. It was so out of left-field that it took a moment for his normally quick wits to drag up an answer. "There's a big difference between fucking and a boyfriend, you realize?"

Of course JC realized (...he hoped that was an 'of course' but sometimes JC seemed innocent of the strangest things) but it was more to the point of the statement. If he wanted to go fuck someone, he could. Grab Simon and go find a bar because they were a good pair together if they wanted to be on the hunt, smooth talk, and go find somewhere he and some pretty face could do just that.

But a boyfriend meant something... more. It meant letting someone get that close, to know him that well. It meant someone close enough to hurt and rip his heart out when he was least suspecting it.

Why was JC even asking that? "What's your point?" he asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

The words out of Judas’ mouth, while not shocking in and of themselves (he was a grown man) still left JC feeling a little rough and more than a little speechless. “I didn’t have a point,” he said finally, taking the bottle with him as he left the bed to dump the remains in the sink for rinsing and recycling. The voice that had been reassuring and certain just moments ago seemed gone, as if abandoning him.

But wasn’t that always the case? When he needed guidance most, it wasn’t there. He stayed away a little longer than intended, rinsing the bottle over and over, thumb over the mouth to shake a little suds around the interior, before he drummed his fingers on the counter and returned back to Judas.

He didn’t apologise (nothing to apologise for), and just lightly elbowed him over so he could crawl into bed, intended not to speak about that evening at all.

...What the hell? Judas blinked as JC walked out of the room, leaving him laying on the bed and looking very confused about the situation. He groaned and rubbed his face with his hand several times briskly, then decided for now to just deal with it. Instead, when JC returned, Judas was tucked up into bed, giving JC enough room to get in there with him.

Then he wrapped an arm around his friend and pressed his face against that boney olive shoulder. He rumbled quietly under his breath something, then just made himself comfortable beside JC. They always fit well together. "...look, JC..." he started, but then couldn't find his words. Fuck, he was bad at this kind of something. It felt like something was up but he wasn't sure what and that was a feeling he hated to his core. He was supposed to be on top of things the same way he was with their budget, so feeling like there was something he was missing was like coming up short no matter how many times he went over the money.

"It's all right," he replied, not exactly the way a person might as if trying to placate another. For JC, it really was just all right. There were no hard feelings, just some confusing ones and he didn't need Judas to try and explain why he ought to not have done what he had. He understood. They were friends and that was it.

He tilted his head slightly forward for Judas' forehead to fit into the curve of the back of his neck and shoulder. He slipped his hand up along the bare forearm cuddled against him. He shimmied slightly until they were pressed with precision against one another.

The voice just refused to come and tell him the thins he truly needed to hear. What was the next step? He felt emptier than usual, though. There had been something mounting that fizzled away. And he didn't even know properly what that was.

It was always confusing, no matter how hard he tried to understand it, so at some point in their history confusion had just become the norm for what he felt about JC. He had most certainly tried when they were first friends to get JC into his bed. Why not? JC was a damn pretty looking man and there was something fascinating to him about that certain innocence in his friend. Yet JC had not quite 'rebuked' him but had simply... been who he had been. That was who JC was and eventually, Judas had accepted it even if confused. Even more eventually, it had just become the normal until it was out of his mind.

So it wasn't awkward to do this. To curl up around the other and cuddle JC like his friend was a stuffed animal or a pillow. It would have been not even an idea in his head for anyone else but there had been nothing sexual about it with JC. So here it was. He could nose against the brown hair and sigh, keeping JC tucked up against his broader chest and leaving him the little spoon. If he got a little strange during the night, he could roll over, go take a shower, and be fine. There hadn't been anyone else, and sometimes, he thought about that. Why hadn't he gone and found a boyfriend, or had some fun somewhere else? Go hit up a club -- okay he winced at the idea of spending that kind of money. Sigh.

JC felt safe with Judas, something that might come back to haunt him in a few years, but he fell asleep almost instantly after Judas' breath evened out against his hairline. He always slept the best like this, though Judas didn't often stay over. JC might wonder why that was. It would save Judas money in the long run, though the Twelve would need to put up their apartments in that house soon enough so he didn't push the issue in the morning.

Grabbing an orange and leaving Mary with a smile, JC walked shoulder to shoulder with Judas down to the garage. The bus had already been parked out back and the paint had been primed. Andrew and Matt were outside trying to set up some sort of documentary style footage when they arrived and JC threw his orange peel away before he boarded the bus, tape measure at the ready.

"I think we should just gut it," Andy was saying as JC sat down on the long bench that wrapped the front of the bus. The met frame sagged beneath him and he nodded.

"Good idea. Who feels like releasing some pent up anger with sledge hammers?"

"Give me one." Judas flashed a grin at the mere idea of getting a chance to whack something with a sledge hammer and soon enough, he and John were working on the interior of the bus to absolutely destroy it. Peter was in charge of ducking in and around them and with a pair of sturdy gloves borrow from the shop was dragging out pieces of debris, quick as a flash he was, though sometimes he had to call out for help on a particularly big piece. It would take the majority of the day to gut the thing though, and by the end of it, Judas would be a mass of aching muscles that were verging on cramps in his hands. Maybe not his best idea.

But it was coming along. They had a primed and gutted bus... but now came the significantly tougher parts - raising the money to get materials along with coming up with the blue prints of what would go inside. They had to figure out the best way to basically house twleve people inside of the bus so they could all ride comfortably and if need be sleep in there, their supplies and personal gear, and supplies for others. They took the first day's recordings and with it, started that Kickstarter off.

Even Judas, by midnight, unable to sleep with sore muscles, was shocked how fast that Kickstarter started to go up. "Huh! Two hundred in only three hours."

JC was outside talking to some of the Twelve and a few of the followers that they had gotten to come by the garage, Peter right next to him and JC holding his hand as he so often did when 'court was in session' as Simon called it. Simon himself was feeling a little bit too relaxed to hang around outside, so he was there sprawled out on the floor when Judas exclaimed.

"This better be good," he groaned and pulled himself to his knees to kneel-walk over to where Judas was sitting, resting a hand on his knee and a chin on his hand. Simon played puppy pretty well, though his scene was a little more -- well, a lot more -- dominant. He was too tired for that right now. "How'd we get two hundred bucks already? Did you put dirty dancing as one of the incentives?"

Yeah Judas just... looked the other way on the crazy shit Simon was into. Not his area but who was he to judge? They were kind of similar in a lot of ways, but they were both the kind of guy to know it without saying anything about it. Still, it was a rare bit of a connection between them and while they butted heads - and they could do that a lot - they understood one another in their own weird way.

"Hey, maybe we should add that as one of these stretch goals. I bet someone would pony up a bunch of money for that." He waggled his eyebrows before he laughed, leaning back with the laptop on his lap. "I have no idea how we got this much already but it's a ton of little donations. You know, five, ten bucks each." Not exactly like their twitter followers were rich people, so it was what he would have expected anyway. "How hard do you think it'd be to convince JC to--" He paused, then laughed all over again. "Fuck. No, not even going to suggest it to him. He'd either not get it or go all in without realizing what he was getting into."

"To dance? Like strip? Oh! What about a date? Or one on one teaching session or whatever?" Do not tell Simon that you're planning these things, Judas. He was entirely too into it. "We could have him film it. Maybe have whichever person donates wear a GoPro? Put it up on the website?"

Simon climbed up onto the makeshift bench JC had made by putting some planks across some folding chairs for place holders.

It was not even remotely comfortable. The floor was better.

His grin turned mischievous. "But would you be all right with that, mate? Setting him up with someone else?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Judas stared at Simon like the other man had lost his mind. "How did this go from dancing to dates?" He mimed cuffing the other but didn't actually even touch, rolling his eyes. "I don't know if you've seen the end result of him going on dates but it's pointless when he's so damn oblivious about it ... still, that teaching session..." that might be an idea, or- "what about having him come and talk with a private group? Like if a big donation? We'll come to your city and have a private teaching session?" That had some merit to it.

Still. Grin. "Small donation will get Simon to strip for you." He was teasing, not thinking the other would take him seriously. "Besides, JC has to stay fully clothed or they'll haunt him with those pics."

"Make it twenty for a lap dance and a hundred for a session. Cheaper than I use to get paid at the club for," Simon pointed out. He didn't rib Judas too much on the date thing. He might have once thought he'd heard Judas call out Jesus' name when he made him orgasm hard a few months back when they were both high and needing a little bit of pleasure., but he wasn't going to hold that over his head.

Simon leaned against Judas to watch him play around on the website. Three more donations came in, three bucks each.

"Make it exciting. I bet if we ask for a few thousand we could have him lecture at a school or a synogauge group or something? Just caveat that it had to be like a hundred miles of Jerusalem?"

He didn't want to talk about that. Fuck, he'd forgotten about that. ...He didn't want to talk about that.

"Whole goal is to try and go around the country, so I dunno if it has to be within a hundred miles of anywhere?" He reached up and scratched at his jaw, ignoring the feeling of stubble. He did, however, raise a brow at Simon. "You serious, though? I'll add it. You've got quite the following yourself. Means chicks, dudes, old young... who knows what you'll end up with." Not judging Simon on that by any means, just pointing out the issue at hand.

"Yeah but it will dictate where we go first yanno? Can't have a big donation not getting serviced quickly." He grinned at Judas and pulled himself up, thumbs hooking into the belt loops of his tight black jeans. He grinned at the way Peter was just enraptured with JC. it was so feel good. Simon liked to watch them. "But dude yeah. Have at it. Might want to mention it as a date. Might want to put us all up there for it. Because it might not be too on message if I offer to whip some old dude on the blog."

He finger gunned at Judas and headed for the stairs. One of the girls that followed them around left the spot next to Peter open and he was going to snag it.

"You should put your name down too. You need to get laid. Too much stress with all of this, Jud. Or we should hook up. It's always fun. Let me know." He stomped his big boots down the steps and joined the fire lit circle.

Good point. Judas hummed slightly in agreement, then tilted his head up to watch Simon as the other stood. Then grimaced because he did not need that mental image, thanks Simon. Ug. Still, it wasn't a terrible idea. See if any of the other guys were interested in the idea and offer up a limited amount of dates? Seemed like such a weird ass way to make money but if it worked, it worked.

Did Simon seriously just give him finger guns? Who did that anymore? He snorted at that, but as Simon walked away, his last comments stuck like a burr. Did he just really need to get laid? It'd been a damn long time (at least long to him). What, months now? Shit... not like he was hunting for it but it'd been a while. 'Date' didn't suggest sex but it could end like that. Simon wasn't a bad lay, a little too dominant in bed for his tastes, but the other was right. Fun for a night, nothing more. One of those few guys who it just didn't get awkward with.

He ended up needing to bother Peter for the login since the kid had been the one to set up the Kickstarter before he added in the additional donation options, starting with the whole teaching thing - he set it for $500 thinking the likelihood of someone donating that much seemed insane - then added up Simon as a date and figured by morning, he'd go around asking the others.

Wasn't like it would sell over night or something.

Peter, after Judas had prodded him for the info, ended up just being pretty darn happy. With JC on one side and Simon on the other, the crackling fire warm at their front and a bag of skittles in his lap, life was good. They were going to be doing something, something big, and he missed traveling. He'd hitch-hiked all over before finding JC (well, finding Simon... or Simon finding him) and the idea of being back on the road and seeing the world was exciting!

Simon wasn't about to go a whole day without trying to recruit everyone into dates for the Kickstarter. "It's more like,.. talking to people. One on one," he was saying as JC was finishing up saying goodbye to some regulars. "The money pays for a nice dinner and then you talk about the cause," he told Peter and Matthew. "It would be some pretty great publicity."

Matt seemed all for it. "As long as we don't call it dates or my girl is going to be pissed off."

"Tell her to buy yours," Simon pointed out. "I'm thinking it would be thirty or forty bucks for a nice dinner at the Olive Garden and anything over that would go right to the bus. I'm telling Judas to put me in for five dates."

"I could do one..." Matt agreed, scratching his cheek. "Maybe I'll get someone that knows a thing or two about publishing."

Peter chewed on his thumbnail, but after a moment or two, just gave a nod. "Sure!" Why not? He didn't have anyone he was seeing like Matt and it would only help out their group, plus it could be fun! "I'll do that, too. Five dates." Meeting some new people and helping out? It would be something different and meeting people was something he loved doing, just like JC.

As Simon went around, he'd find that Bart quietly decided it wasn't his scene and Thad didn't look really keen on the idea. The rest had laughed, decided sure, why not? It sounded like a hoot if a little ridiculous.

But Judas still wasn't sure about himself. Finally, after some serious thought, he threw himself up once. Just a single date, maybe he'd get laid, maybe not, probably it'd be boring as fuck but hey it worked. No more, though. This felt oddly a bit too close to what he had used to do, but he told himself it was for charity. Fun.

By morning, less than six hours later, most of the pledges had been reached. Simon's had all gone right away to the same two people, old clients of his. Even Peter had some and most of the others had one or two. Judas as well. JC's booking had been pledged as well and there were now thousands of dollars in the account. Not that Judas would know until a man who was sometimes more like a puppy woke him up by literally climbing over him in bed and shoving his phone into his face.

"You didn't set me up for any dates," JC said the moment Judas opened one eye. He hadn't been in bed for longer than four hours and yet here he was being woken up by his best friend as if he didn't need to sleep at all to find stockpiles of energy. "So I bought yours. Don't be angry but I wanted to go to Olive Garden too."

The fuck...? Judas was not awake enough to deal with the phone practically in his eyeball, JC sounding almost accusing, or being crawled on. He grumbled and vaguely tried to swipe the phone away, brain trying to process what was going on.

"Whawasthat?" he slurred a bit, forcing himself up onto his elbows and looking exhaustively towards JC. Shit, man, he'd put in a full day's workout yesterday he deserved some sleep! ...Damn his neck was sore as hell. What was that about dates and Olive Garden? Was JC mad they had done it? Definitely not awake enough for... life just yet.

"How are you still sleeping?" JC teased good naturedly and hopped to the bottom of the bed to take off his shoes before he once again hogged up all of Judas' space by half laying on him as he burrowed in between his friend and the wall. "The Kickstarter," he told Judas almost accusingly. "You put up dates with almost everyone else but me. So I bought yours."

It probably didn't occur to him that Judas might actually want a date and not just a nice dinner out at a mediocre Italian restaurant.

"And it looks like we're headed out to Caana. I have family that way. One of mom's cousins. For that private lecture. Peter says there's eight or nine email requests asking to put up more travel pledges too." JC finally made himself comfortable and laid an arm over Jucas' waist and the bunched up blankets.

"Some of us worked yesterday," Judas grumbled, taking the second of freedom to rearrange himself with a yawn, watching JC blearily. That was until 'bought yours' was uttered and he just blinked at JC for a second or two before letting his head fall back. So much for Simon's suggestion, huh? Sort of defeated the purpose, too, if JC put his money in on that. Maybe he'd throw himself up for another one, then, but... "You know I'd have taken you out somewhere if you really wanted." ...Maybe not Olive Garden good, though. He was still pretty bad about his budget and always would be.

"Headed out to... wait-" That woke Judas up even more. "You mean someone bought that $500 option!?" Whoa! He hadn't expected that in the least. "Did you say eight or nine- fuck!" That was almost five thousand dollars waiting to happen! He flailed to grab his phone over JC and got the kickstarter up on his phone, his jaw dropping open at how much it pronounced they had. How- the-fuck-!? Just over night?!

"Whoa."

JC took the phone back and laid it on his chest, the edge of light around the device visible in the darkness and only slightly touching his eyes. He watched Judas a little strangely and laid one of his arms over his forehead. "I didn't think you'd want to."

He was not talking about taking money for speaking engagements (JC was going to insist on a free lecture or two with every one that donated because he didn't believe in taking money for spreading his ideas around., even if he knew this was a way to get their bus and trip funded.

"And maybe I should have asked first. But... I thought you might say no. Which, yes all right, probably should have been the first clue to why I ought to have asked-- if you would rather someone else, I'll withdraw it."

He didn't look happy though, just mildly annoyed. Probably at himself.

"What-" Damn it, why did JC keep putting words in his mouth? Why was he doing this before dawn? Judas scrubbed his face with a hand before he reached down and snagged JC's chin, trying to tilt those liquid eyes up to him. "Stop that. What's gotten into you?" This didn't sound like the Jesus he knew, which told him more than anything that something was up.

"Didn't I just say I'd have taken you out somewhere if you wanted to go? Without having to bother with the Kickstarter?" he pointed out, raising a brow down at JC before he let go of his chin. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." They both knew he wasn't that kind, but JC was acting weird compared to normal. In fact the last few days had been like that, but he chalked it up to change, a lot of it, happening.

There was a level of frustration here that caused all of JC's muscles to tense at once. He had been known for his temper tantrums, usually at injustice or disrespect, but this was an entirely new sort of dealing for the near thirty year old man and he couldn't figure out the proper course of action. The voice was very clear on some things and very unclear on the rest.

Buy the date as a personal donation. Check. It implanted a certain sort of fear that Judas might be stolen from him otherwise and he couldn't allow that. He couldn't do this without Judas moreso than the rest. There was a clear heirarchy in the Twelve, at least in his eyes, with Judas at the head and Peter and Simon beneath, Matt, John, Mark and Andy under them and so on.

The hand on his face felt like burning and when Judas released him, that burning turned to ice. JC leaned up on his elbows and scowled. "I want you... To be with me..."

He thought he was being clear about that.

"And no one else."

Of course, he probably ought to have outlined that being with him wasn't the same thing as dating. At least, JC hadnt officially linked the two up in his mind just yet and the voice wasn't giving him good answers either, just pushing him to a goal he was clueless about to bind Judas to JC

What.

Judas stared at JC with slightly parted lips, trying to figure out what the hell JC just said because it couldn't be what he just heard. JC had never looked at him like this - oh, sure, in anger before, and with temper tantrums, and with surprise and hurt but not this sort of almost sullen rage beneath the surface that left Judas stunned. He unconsciously shifted back, but in a rare moment, was struggling to find his words.

Of course until they just burst out of him. "What- excuse me!? Since when? You've never said anything about this until today and you're pissy with me about it!?" Did he wake up in the Twilight Zone or something!? "I haven't gone on a date or anything in fucking years, something even you've teased me about, and now you're what? Jealous? Angry? What is even going on?"

Fuck! JC wanted to date-date him!? Since when!? His brain felt like it was looping in on itself again and again, leaving him downright confused to his core.